Let Me Walk You Out
Two women navigating young adulthood, relationships, ambition, and self-growth while sharing lessons that you can “walk out” of every episode with.
Let Me Walk You Out
Friendship Red Flags We Don’t Ignore Anymore
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S1, E9: In this episode of Let Me Walk You Out, Stephanie and Kyndall are talking about friendship breakups, recognizing red flags, and learning when it's time to let a friendship go.
Inspired by a listener submission, we unpack the warning signs we wish we had noticed sooner. Subtle comments disguised as jokes, one-sided friendships, codependency, jealousy, changing priorities, etc. We also talk about the difference between drifting apart naturally and walking away from relationships that no longer serve you.
This conversation explores how to trust your intuition when something feels off and why protecting your peace sometimes means creating distance. We reflect on the lessons we've learned through losing friends and becoming the kind of friend we hope to attract.
Whether you're grieving the end of a friendship, questioning a relationship that no longer feels right, or simply learning what healthy friendship looks like as you grow, this episode is for you.
Comment the 👭❌ emojis if this conversation resonated with you.
New episodes drop every Wednesday.
Resources mentioned during the episode:
The Values Bridge Assessment: https://thevaluesbridge.com/
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BREAKING NEWS: We are partnering with Aset Healing for a virtual Healing Lounge centered on bridging the gap between your current and ideal self through the Values Bridge.
Join us for guided reflection, honest conversation, journal prompts, and practical steps to help you identify what matters most, recognize where your life may feel out of alignment, and begin making decisions that feel more like you.
When: Sunday, August 2 at 7:00 p.m. ET
Where: Live via Zoom
Who: Let Me Walk You Out x Aset Healing
Why: To help you reconnect with your values and move toward a life that reflects who you truly are.
Sign up to reserve your place in the Healing Lounge: https://form.jotform.com/261740493685163
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We're starting a 222.
SPEAKER_01That is so sweet. I love that.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Wow. That is just so us.
SPEAKER_01No better time to start than now. Welcome back. Welcome back to Let Me Walk You Out, the podcast for navigating alignment, self-discovery, self-growth, sisterhood, womanhood, all the things. All the things. All the things. And we're your host. I'm Kendall. I'm Stephanie. And we are so excited to be back. Like we say every episode. We are, because we genuinely are. We genuinely are very excited to be back and to do this all over again. So we're gonna, as always, jump into our highs and lows. Yes. So me or you, girl. Rock, paper, scissors. I'm just playing. Try to do that with my rock in the mic. It's crazy.
SPEAKER_00I'll go first. I'll go first. Okay. So my high this week was that I finally got a new computer. Oh yes! Oh my gosh. That was my high. Are you loving it? Yes, I'm obsessed. You she texted me yesterday and she was like, Are you on your computer right now? And I sent her a picture. I said, Of course I'm on my computer.
SPEAKER_01Picture back within like 30 seconds.
SPEAKER_00Like, girl, where else would I be? Exactly. Like, I'm in my honeymoon stage right now with my computer. I'm gonna be attached to her at the hip. She's actually not too far from me right now. Like, so I'm obsessed. And my boyfriend helped me do an unboxing video, which was really cool. And just posted that. So if you want to see it, like you can go to my social media channel. Yeah, I only posted it on TikTok and YouTube. I didn't post it on Instagram. Go check it out. Yeah, it's it's super quick, like no more. I think it actually is like a little bit of a minute long, but it's cool. It's like ASMR. Yeah, it was really fun. And I got it in Sky Blue. Oh, she's so pretty. Which is her color.
SPEAKER_01Like you need to trademark that color somehow.
SPEAKER_00I should like actually so yeah, I'm really happy. So more vlogs on the way. I was literally editing our girls' weekend vlog last night. Girl, it was like 2 a.m. And I was like, I need to go to bed, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't know CapCut could be so smooth. Yeah, girl, like just my whole editing experience has changed, and it's like making me want to do it even more. I think that was a problem. It was just making it my old computer was making it so hard to do anything. You were feeling how hot it was getting. Yeah. Like I could pop a popcorn kernel.
SPEAKER_01We would be sitting down doing some work, and I'm like, yo, what is that noise? Like, is a plane landing?
SPEAKER_00Girl.
SPEAKER_01No, it's just my computer.
SPEAKER_00Trying to stay on, fighting for dear life. Like, yeah, it was it was definitely time. Yeah, it was time. But shout out to that computer because it got me here, it got me this far. And so I definitely don't take that for granted. Now we can put her to rest. And we have put her to rest, okay? She's been wiped, she's been traded in. I got my little $100 off of my dude. I'll take easy. They asked me, they said, Are you a student we or a teacher? We could get you a hundred dollar discount. And I was like, No, I wished. And then we'll trade in value. I know, right? Look, can I use them? But the trade-in value was 100. So I said, Hey, look, there goes my student discount. Boom.
SPEAKER_01You know, $100, you don't have to pay on this. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00So that was my high. Needless to say, I'm ecstatic. I'm super excited. And probably when we finish recording today, I'm gonna go straight to that computer and just be on it for the rest of the night. As you should, girl. I love that. Nothing like a new computer or a gadget. Yes, gadgets. So fun. We live in such a fun, exciting time.
SPEAKER_01Really lose the technology. So we do. I sometimes wanted to stop right here because it's always evolving. And sometimes it's hard to keep up. Like, I don't know if I want, you know, the camera and my glasses or whatever. But no, literally. This is cool, but you know, that's a different conversation.
SPEAKER_00Different conversation for sure. Like if we were to ask our parents if they thought like technology would be this evolved, I know they would just be like mind-blown and say no, of course, because of course they didn't think that.
SPEAKER_01Like even my grandma, yeah. Sometimes I will just think about the fact that like I'll look around our house. We have Alexa's, we have smart TVs, all of even kitchen appliances are just so advanced. Like the toaster has a screen. Yeah. It's like I know she looks around sometimes. Of course, things were developing over time. Everything, it wasn't like a you snapped your fingers. Right, and we're here. But I wonder if she ever just looks around, like, what did we get here? Like, she was even like toaster already toasted.
SPEAKER_00Like it looked so different back then. Right, they put stuff in the oven. They didn't have refrigerators. Microwaves didn't. Refrigerators, yeah. Refrigerators are a new thing. As of like, I'm pretty sure like the 1950s. So, what were they doing before? Child eating the food. You don't eat it tonight, it goes to waste. They didn't have leftovers. No.
SPEAKER_01What type of world?
SPEAKER_00Um, a world that I don't want to live in. I was born at the right time. I was born at the right time. I want to fact check that, but I'm pretty sure refrigerators are like fairly new. Wow. And like freezers and stuff like that. Like maybe freezers were a thing. I don't know. I don't know, but I do know refrigerators were like groundbreaking because then people could store food for longer. But I mean, like, grocery stores was only fresh produce, like they killed that chicken today for you to cook tonight. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01Like, right, wow, it's crazy to think about. I really didn't just ask her, my grandma that being literally the changes because I'm sure she would have a lot to say. I know she would.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, let's bring her on. Go ahead, that would be a key. That would actually be a key. She would actually make me laugh so hard, bro.
SPEAKER_01For real. Okay, well, I don't even know how we started talking about. I know, right? Technology evolving, that's why. Oh, yes, but technology's so cool. So I would be on that computer all night, too. Can't blame me. But okay, girl. My high was at the top of the week. You and I joined the Healing Lounge. Yes. And the Healing Lounge is we've spoken a little bit about your wellness coach. Is that what you call her? Like wellness coach. Holistic coaches.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. That avenue, that path for sure.
SPEAKER_01Um, and she has a free weekly community on Sundays that you can join virtually and just meet for about an hour or so to talk about a different topic every week, but they all have something to do with healing. And I've heard a lot about her wellness coach because of course she works with you, but we um sometimes you'll just share a lot with me about what you're learning in those sessions as well. And I know that her wellness coach focuses on the relationships in your life. So the relationship with yourself, the relationship with your partner, and then is it relationship with like family, your community, your friends, like those types of relationships. And so every healing lounge session has something to do with one of those relationships. And the one on Sunday was the relationship with your inner child, and she brought on a guest host, her name was Dr. Mora, who specializes in this field. And it had been so long since I just sat and did a journal prompt or just thought about connecting with my my inner child, yeah, especially with other people too, because the way it worked is that first they had to share a baby photo and talk about why we did that, and then we talked about what that meant to us. We did a couple of prompts, but between everything, we would share with each other, and I had never felt so comfortable just sharing with a group of people that I've literally never met before, just because you could feel the energy in the room of just being acceptance and kindness and care and sensitivity, like it didn't feel like a place where you were gonna be judged, yeah, at all. And I learned so much about everyone, which then in turn helped me learn more about myself too in a weird way. So it was just such a beautiful way to start the week. Yeah, and I've been thinking a lot more about connecting with my inner child ever since. And she shared a lot of really phenomenal resources and books that I really want to read and get into. And I that was my first time joining that. Steph will tell me that she's joining the healing lounge on Sundays, and I'm always like, oh wow, that sounds really cool. But this was my first time actually getting to join, and it's really stuck with me ever since. So I we will be telling you guys a lot more about the healing lounge um coming up because we actually have some really exciting news regarding the healing lounge. I just got chills, girl. We have some very exciting news about that, but that was my high just because it was just such a good way to start the week with that level of introspection. And genuinely when I picture my younger self, like as that little girl, because sometimes you can start to feel disconnected from that little version of you as you get older. Like when I look in the mirror now, I'm a grown woman now. I know myself as what I look like now. But at one point I was that little girl. Like that is literally me. That is still you, that's still me. I we share brain, we share thoughts, we share life experiences, yeah, and it's almost chilling to get in touch with her. Yeah. Because it's crazy how far I've come, but I'm still literally the same person. Wow. And there's just probably so much untapped because I haven't done that type of work before. And yeah, what who knows what emotions will really come up because so much came up for me in that one hour.
SPEAKER_00So if you do a whole week deep dive, like who knows where that will take you and what direction your life could go into if you really sat down and did that work and dove a lot deeper, yeah, read those books, did all the journal prompts because she gave us like three. She gave us a lot. I did only one, one session at least. Yeah. But what would happen if I sat down and really did all three and really connected with her? Oh, I love that you got so much from that. I did. Oh my gosh, it literally warms my heart. Whenever I'm always telling people, I'm joining the healing lodge, I'm doing the healing lodge, I'm sending out the link to everybody. Like, come, like, literally, just come. Because you everybody gets something different, and I'm not putting any expectations. Like, my only expectation is literally show up and just be open and come with an open mind, and that's it. Yeah, and if you want, have your camera on.
SPEAKER_01Like, but I was comfy. I'm like just like cuddled up in my blank.
SPEAKER_00I have on like sweatpants, like my hair is a mess. Just come as you are.
SPEAKER_01You know, like it's literally come as you are, and I love the healing line. I love what she's building, I love the community that she's building. It is such important work that she's doing, and I love that she has guest hosts on to really diversify her offerings and connect with even more people because then Dr. Moore's friend joined. Yes, then you shared it with me, so I was there, someone else had done the same thing. So the way that it's slowly expanding, yes. I think there's just no better way to truly build community than starting small and watching that seed continue to grow. Agreed. So I'm just grateful that I was able to be a part of it. And I'll be back this Sunday and probably many more Sundays because of just how much I really enjoyed the session.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I also think that I always tell myself you don't really have any excuse anymore. Like there's people who are shifting their whole day, like people who have children who they, you know, might put to sleep early or tell them, look, I need to step into this room for an hour, or maybe they go to their car for the hour just so that they can have that time. I have no excuse as to why I cannot join. You know, maybe I might out be out doing something or be somewhere, and there might literally be literally be exceptions as to why I can't. But for the most part, if I'm at home, if I'm in the comfort of my own space, work can be put to the side for this hour. This hour is for you. And uh I feel sometimes that I don't pour enough back into myself, and that is a great way to even if that means I even if I don't talk on the session at all, and I'm just there to listen, because no one's forcing you to talk, no one's forcing you to share. Like sometimes some people are really just there to listen. You can get so much out of listening, and you can get a lot out of sharing, like you really can, but at the end of the day, either way, you showed up, you showed up, and you're showing up for yourself, but you're also showing up for other people too at the end of the day, because your presence also helps everybody else who's on that call, too. Exactly. So, so yeah, the healing lodge is beautiful. I'm so glad you came. Oh my gosh, me too. I'm like excited for Sunday. Like, I know, me too. Me too. But yeah, much, much more to come. Yeah, literally within like the next three minutes on the healing lodge. I know. We'll get to that in a second. We'll get to that.
SPEAKER_01All right, girls. So lows?
SPEAKER_00Okay, so um, ironically, my low is not prioritizing rest this week, and I just feel like I've been running around with the chicken. Um, I feel like the chicken with the chicken in my hand. Yeah, I'm running around with the chicken, the same chicken that was killed today to eat tonight. Oh no. I was just about to say we're gonna fry it. We're gonna fry that chicken. We're gonna fry that chicken, actually. Feathers and all, but I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off just because of how full my plate is. And I think I was saying to my friends at dinner a couple weeks ago, maybe that was last week. Oh my gosh, time is flying. But I was like, my plate is very full, but I'm enjoying everything that's on my plate right now. And it's like one of those things where what do you do in that instance? You slowly but surely decide what you're gonna eat first. And so you might be eating the protein. Okay, cool, you got done with the protein that's out the way. Okay, now I'm gonna go to the rice. And then I'm gonna go ahead and eat the broccoli. So my plate is just very full. I got, you know, a lot of things touching each other on the plate, but at the end of the day, I'm happy with that, but I also feel like my core value of achievement is coming into play because I don't feel like I'm getting everything I want to done. And then I ask myself, well, what is everything that you want to? Like, what actually needs to be done versus what you want to be done to prove to you or someone else that it could be done. So rest has not been the priority this week. I've been getting like six hours every single night just because like I'll go to bed at like 1, 2 a.m. And then I'll wake up at 8 and ready to get started because I feel like okay, I gotta go ahead and get started because what am I waiting for? So between that or between, you know, my nine to five and then five to nine, like I feel like this week I've been doing a lot better about taking care of myself, like making sure that I'm cooking and eating the right things, making sure that I'm going to the gym, taking care of myself in that way, and I'm you know, putting the right things into my body. But I do feel like I hit at 3 p.m. I hit a stop that's like I'm dog tired right now, and I power through. And then at like 7, 8 p.m., I hit another block that's like I could literally fall out right here and wake up tomorrow morning and that would be okay. But then I keep powering through. And then by like 11, I'm still going, and I'll be tired, but it'll be a tired that's like, okay, but we can keep working through this, and then in my mind, I'll be like, okay, you can wrap it up by 12 and then be in bed by like 12:45. And then one o'clock comes around and it's like, oh, psych. Yeah, I'm still here, I'm still here, might as well keep working. Like I was telling you, like last night I was up editing a vlog like at 2 a.m. Baby, why? Why are you doing that? Yeah, because you you said you'd be having flow state. I do, and then I take advantage of flow state. Like, whenever I hit flow state, it might be three o'clock in the morning, and I'm like, forget the sleep because flow state was not easy to come across for a really long time for me. I felt like I was definitely in a rut, and I feel like I have this new sense of energy that's like coming along. I don't know, maybe it's you know, Mercury retrograde. I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, I'm really taking advantage of it. And so, though my low is that I'm not prioritizing rest or I'm not getting the rest that I want, it's also kind of like I don't really care that much because I feel like I'm getting so much more done. Like, I'll look at my to-do list and be happy that at least eight out of the ten items are crossed off instead of just like three out of the ten. Because there was points where like I'd write my list and it's like maybe one or two things really got done that day, and it wasn't even like the high-level items that I wanted to get done, it would just be like washing and folding laundry, like it was like, Did you walk the dog? Like checking out you put that on the list just to cross it off because you had to, like exactly, but yeah, so that's kind of a low, but it's not really a low because I'm happy that I'm getting things done because I think in a like a previous episode, I was saying that I haven't been getting as much done as I want to, like, I'm not feeling as motivated, and maybe it's a computer, I don't know what it is, but the motivation is definitely there and it's back. But I'm not trying to go off a motivation at this point. I'm trying to take that and then ride that wave into the discipline mindset.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, yeah. Well, I feel like the older I get and the more seasoned I get, I just am realizing there is no such thing as balance. Like, as much as we keep trying to achieve it, there's just seasons where you're just more locked in. Like because, like you said, nothing is bad and you're enjoying everything, you're just not getting as much rest. But that kind of just is how life is. Yeah, sometimes you're just not gonna get as much rest to get the thing done. You can't live like that forever because of course not, right? But there will be a time where then you get more rest and then you can focus on other things more and take it slower. But right now, you're just in grind season, yeah, and that's how life is. And I think sometimes the illusion of balance is just an illusion. It is. There really it life is too crazy, life is too unpredictable, and there's always there's always a curveball. So you think you might be balanced, and then something will come in and take it away. So literally, I kind of like how I'm reframing it in my mind to make that make sense because whenever I'm in those type of seasons, I get so overwhelmed thinking that okay, well, I should still be sleeping eight hours. Yes, I should still be doing this, but sometimes let's take that six and keep it pushing. So I hear you on that. Yeah, at least it's not five, at least it's not four.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it could be worse, it could definitely be worse.
SPEAKER_01I feel like six to be doing all you're doing is actually an achievement in my mind.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, low key, low-key. Take that as a win. No, when I refresh my health app and it'd be like goal almost met, I'd be like, hey, I was almost there. Almost the goal is seven hours, too. I'm like, So look, we're there, we're right there. I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you.
SPEAKER_02You right up on it.
SPEAKER_00Literally, literally, you were right here when my boyfriend just said, like, your life looks like it changes every three months because it does. Yeah, like every three months you're doing something different, and it's not anything you can control. It's just like, okay, the first three months, you might have been part-time, cool. The second three months, they brought you the full time, cool. The next three months you're starting a podcast on top of all that. Okay, cool. Now the last three months you're doing this, this, and now. Who even knows about the last three months right now? I have no idea. By the end of this quarter, what my life is gonna look like. Truly. That's all I can do. One day, one to-do list, one schedule, hello, and that's all I can focus on.
SPEAKER_01And that's all I got for y'all right now.
SPEAKER_00That's it. That's it, that's all.
SPEAKER_01Because please. Q4, we just got to Q3. I can't think about that right now. Girl, girl, listen to it. Well, girl, all right now my low is real silly sounding compared to that. Okay, tell me. But it was a true low. So I this week is surprisingly gotten a lot of rest. I've been very restful, and I think because at work right now, it's a little quiet. We're coming off of Juneteenth, and last week was can, then this week was July 4th. So, and then people have so much summer PTO and vacation plans. So, not a lot is hitting the ground running, it's just kind of sustaining what we have going on right now. So, I've been feeling pretty restful at work, feeling pretty restful in my life. I'm a little bit more settled into my space, and I've really come to love my Love Island evenings. Like, I'm finally caught up because for a minute I had no time to be caught up. Right. But now I can actually carve out time to be caught up. So I was caught up and ready to watch movie night. And I sit down, and this is movie night for everyone who watches Love Island and knows is like the night to be watching. Probably top three Love Island. I don't know if it's a scenario happenings or whatever, is definitely movie night, definitely like Casa Moore. Like, there's just certain things where it's like you need to be sad for this. And I was in the bed, I was feeling good, and I'm ready to put it on, and I'm locked out of my account. Dang, right? I'm locked out of my account because my dad is in the process of moving, and I guess our peacock is connected to the Wi-Fi router. So he unplugged it because he's moving it somewhere else, and it's just kind of sitting unplugged in the back of his car, I think, at this point. Oh no. So I was Love Islandless, and that was that mean my loat is so unclear. Girl, that's your joy. Like you weren't ready to indulge. And I had to go to bed and try to avoid spoilers on Twitter and stuff because I couldn't watch it and I still don't have access and Steph has graciously given me her passcode to watch it on her account because I just have still not been able to get into my actual account. Yes. And I don't know. I just, it was, I was just real prepared. I was really struggling to find the low because life's been okay. Thank God. But I do remember feeling very low in that moment. Like, dang. She said I was really struggling to find the low because life's been okay.
SPEAKER_00I love that. I really love that. I'm like, is this girl serious? No, she's serious, y'all. She's so serious. Mind you, that's not even my peacock, and I'm just hitting off the pants. Shout out to Callie. Thank you for watching.
SPEAKER_01Shout out to Callie, that community.
SPEAKER_00No, at this point, it is a community peacock. There's literally at least three. At least three.
SPEAKER_01Hulu Peacock gonna hear this and be like, oh, we're gonna lock it down. Uh uh, you better not. Hulu, it can like peep where you are now. I think even Netflix. Yeah, Netflix does that. And I think they stopped doing that.
SPEAKER_00Netflix stopped because they actually had a decrease in revenue as well. And I'm glad. Shout out to everybody who boycotted that because as they why would y'all do that? That was so ridiculous. And peacock people.
SPEAKER_01Anything I can't share my passcode with my homegirl in distress because she can't watch Love Island.
SPEAKER_00Sharing is caring, caring. No islander left behind. Exactly. I need all my sisters on that island, okay? Like, hello, take take whatever you need.
SPEAKER_01Make a new make a new profile. I don't care. Any other night would have been okay, but movie night, I was like, I need to be seeing this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because there will be spoilers. Like, hello. I've seen some and I have no idea what they even pertain to. Because I'm I don't even know what an episode am I on? I don't know. I feel you, girl. I'm glad that that was a low, but it turned into a high though, because you know, you still got a little, a little love island fixing it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because you gave me the passcode. So you made it a high. Thank you for being my hero.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was for being the hero because it's not me, it's Callie. I literally so true. Thank you, Cali. I said, here you go, girl. I didn't even ask Callie.
SPEAKER_01I'm just like why you sent to me so quick. I'm like, did you even check in with me?
SPEAKER_00I wasn't gonna ask no questions. But the thing is, I told I Kelly didn't even know that I was on her account. And then I told her that I was on her account. She was like, Oh, that's fine. Did you see that I upgraded to the one with no ads? You're welcome.
SPEAKER_01I was like, that part two. Every time there's an ad break, I'm prepared to like be distracted. But then I looked back and I'm like, wait, no ads, girl. Why are we still going? And then I it clips for me. I was like, there's no ads because mine has ads. And I was like, Steph, this is luxury, bro. Like, you don't understand because them ad breaks be so long. Yeah, they're like 120 seconds at times. Girl, that's two minutes. Why are you still here? Why do you how are you fitting four ads into one break? I don't want to sit here for this. That's very true. Do it though.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, I'm happy for you. Thank you, Donna. I'm glad you can keep staying caught up or whatever you need to do. Thank you. Is there when you need it? Appreciate that. Really do. I'll be there. Okay, we gotta stop with the Michael Jackson. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01I'll be there. Literally.
SPEAKER_00We really do, though.
SPEAKER_01I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00It's time. No, it's never time. It really is time. It's never time. Well, okay, so moving on to Black Business of the Week. Yes. So I know we said we were gonna circle back for you guys for the Healing Lounge. So this week's black business that we wanted to give a big, big shout out to is actually Asset Healing, which is who hosts the Healing Lounge. So Asset Healing is a wellness community, and it's not necessarily a community, it's ran by Asset herself, and she is the person who I call my wellness coach, and that's the person who I refer to time and time again when we're talking about some of the subjects here. And honestly, I could go on a whole podcast episode about how much I love her and how much she has changed my life in the past like six months or seven, however, six, seven, however long I've been working with her. I think I've been working with her since I want to say November. Yeah, our girls' weekend, actually. So it's funny that I mentioned that. Really? Yes, that's what about when you started to see her? Yes, because that is when that night that we got to that hotel is when she reached out to me for a consultation and was like, so-and-so gave me your number for a consultation. I just wanted to reach out and see if you were interested. And so ever since November, we have been locked in, and I completely love everything that she's doing. As Kendall said, she is um working with people on the relationships that they have with themselves, with family, with um their significant others, with their friendships, whatever relationship that you are working on in your life, and primarily for me, that is myself. Honestly, it's all of them, it's the whole umbrella because I feel like I am pretty well rounded in the fact that I have relationships in all avenues. Yeah, uh, but primarily like the relationship with myself as I grow and and grow and are working to become a better person, not only for me, but also for the people around me. So, a set healing is a community, a wellness community that strives to help you on that relationship with yourself. And I'm sure she has so much more to say, and there's probably like verbiage and things of that nature that she could use or she could say to support all of that that we have already said. But you know, I'm more so wanting to speak almost from my experience of everything that I've been working with her on. And so she is amazing, and she does host the healing lounge every Sunday, and she has so many other resources as well, like a seven-day consistency kit that you can purchase on her website. Uh, she has a whole uh playlist for helping you heal your inner child. So those are meditations, it's guided meditations, it's things of that nature. She does yoga, she does all these things. I'm pretty sure since I've started working with her, she's also hosted a wellness retreat, too, that was in Thailand. So I was like following along, like, oh my god, that looks so cool! Like, I would love to be there. And women come from all around the world. So the great thing about her community is that it's women that are in Thailand, it's women that are in Africa, it's women that are in the Caribbean, women that are here in the US. So it's literally women from all around the world and men, honestly. She works with men too. So I don't want the men listening to feel excluded at all. But the Healing Lounge is hosted every Sunday at 7 p.m. And it's a different topic every week. And we get together as a community and we really sit and we talk about this topic, we dive into it, and it always starts with a meditation, it starts with breath work, we get journal prompts, and then we reflect, we have a reflection. And sometimes the reflection has nothing to do with what we just talked about. You might have something that's been on your mind that's been bothering you all week, and you just need a space to let that out. And that's exactly what the healing lounge is for. And so it's a really, really awesome thing. And asset healing is just an awesome well, really just a set is an awesome person, but asset healing, the business is an awesome opportunity for you to take that opportunity to dive deeper into yourself. So, of course, her website, her social media, everything will be linked in the description for you to check out should you be interested in maybe booking a consultation and maybe purchasing that consistency kit or even joining the healing lounge. So that will be in the description. And on to our exciting announcement as it regards or as it pertains to asset healing, yeah, is that we actually will have the opportunity to host a healing lounge as co-host of Let Me Walk You Out. Oh my god, I'm so glad we get to say that. I know, and we've been like, there's probably four podcast episodes that we filmed that we've been like, should we say it now? Should we say it now? Should we tell them?
SPEAKER_01But we've been meeting with the set, yeah, and she brought the opportunity to us. Yes, and 100% because there is so much overlap. Y'all, I'm getting heals right now. Like, you don't understand.
SPEAKER_00I wish you could see the hair standing on top of my face.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, it was an immediate yes, just because she works so much in the healing space, but also in becoming aligned with who you want to be. Yes, and we talk so much about that exact topic, and it's just so much natural, there's such a natural lane for us to be able to work together. Yes. And I'm very, very excited because that's part of why I joined the healing lounge last Sunday, just to get a feel. But now that I've joined and had such a profound experience and was able to meet some of the other members that are regular people during that show up during the healing lounge sessions, I'm very, very invested in this. Yes. Because I feel like I almost formed a little bit of a mini relationship with everyone that I was on the call with that I shared my story with and I heard theirs. Yes. So to be able to host is incredible.
SPEAKER_00Like, y'all don't understand.
SPEAKER_01It's so I'm so excited for it.
SPEAKER_00This is literally something when we started this podcast. Our goal was to build community. It wasn't to just sit down as co-host and kiki and chat about our highs and lows. Because we do that anyway.
SPEAKER_01Well, I could call her up before when she leaves and do that. And do that, you know, but it was more about bringing people together and bringing people together about that cause exactly. We need more of that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we do, especially against black women in our 20s in the world that we live in now. There's so much going on all the time, and all we really want to do is be our best selves and execute to the highest of our abilities on a daily basis. And sometimes we fall short. How do we start that conversation? Sometimes we feel like we're not doing enough, sometimes we feel like we're overwhelmed. How do we start that conversation without feeling like we are weak, without feeling like we are not enough, you know? And just letting people know that no, you are enough, you are here, and that is enough. And that is really one of our primary goals. But it's even better to be able to do this live and like actually have people be able to sit down with us in a room. Maybe it's via Zoom. And so it might not be an actual room where I can physically see touch you or you know feel connected to you, but spiritually and emotionally, we can do that online, and that is why we're just so ecstatic and we're so honored to have the opportunity to even be considered as a host for the healing lounge in the first place. So yeah, we're so excited.
SPEAKER_01We're very excited. Of course, you'll be able to find more information. We'll be posting about it on our socials alongside a set leading up to the actual session. But to just kind of give a preview of what we'll be talking about, a couple episodes ago, we did the values bridge quiz. Yes, and learned so much about our values and our authenticity gaps and how we're currently living versus how we want to be living. And we're almost just bringing that conversation into the healing lounge and making that more of an open floor discussion for other people to reflect on what their values are and how am I currently living on a day-to-day or a week by week basis. And are are there any gaps in how I'm choosing to show up now versus how I really, really want to show up in my ideal life? And I think that's just gonna be such a great conversation because not only did I love learning about my values, I loved learning about yours. But then the way that that episode was received by people taking their own values and texting it to us, yes, or sharing with other people and then sending their top four or five values. I learned so much about people. Yes, so it was so cool to see that. I'm excited to see that in the healing lounge as well. On a more grand scale.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So if you are planning on joining, the date is going to be on August 2nd. Like Kendall said, all of the information that you need is going to be via social media. I would encourage you to take the values bridge before you join, just so you can have a better understanding of what your values are and maybe how that pertains to some of the people in your life, maybe how that pertains to what you want to do in life and the person that you want to be. It just will give you a better understanding. But of course, it's not a requirement. Like, we're not gonna be like, you can't join if you haven't taken the values bridge. Like, that is not a requirement at all. Like, if you're interested, of course, we would just love for you to do that. But so stay tuned for more details about that. Please, yes. And if you're not following us, following us on social media, uh, it's at let me walk you out on all platforms YouTube, Instagram, TikTok. That's all we have. And or check the description below, and it'll take you straight there to the link. So awesome, amazing. All right, well, shout out to Missette. We love you, girls. We do, we're so appreciative for you. If you have a black business that you would like us to shout out, please in the description below, we have a black business spotlight request form. And so we would be more than happy to shout out that business of the week when we get to that episode, and uh yeah, just fill out that form. Maybe you know a friend, you know, a friend of a friend, whatever. Just fill it for it. Circulate the form, fill it out. We're all about shouting out our community over here. And if you're in the Atlanta area, that's great because we would love to pull up on you, try it, see what it's talking about. If not, that's also great because we can set up a P.O. box for you.
unknownAbsolutely.
SPEAKER_00We have no problem doing that. I got about three addresses I could give you in case you want to send us something. But yeah, so let's go ahead and move on to our topic of the week. I know y'all like, okay, I I came here, I came here for the topic of the week and y'all just been yapping, okay? And I get it, I'm sorry. So we are gonna go ahead and move on to our topic of the week, which is a tricky topic for some people, but we're gonna be talking a little bit about friendship breakups, yes, and how we got to this topic, girl.
SPEAKER_01Yes, we are now introducing our new segment. Let me help you out.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_01We also have another form where you can go and submit any topics that you might want us to talk about or something that's been on your mind that you want us to talk about. And we have our very first submission from Miss Jasmine Green. Shout out, Jasmine. And she submitted a request for us to talk about friendship breakups and our experiences with that, any warning signs or red flags that we may have noticed and the lessons that we learned from our friendship breakups. And I think that's a great topic, girl, because friendship breakups happen. Yes. And especially as women, we form such deep connections with our friends. So when that break, when that breakup does happen, sometimes it can feel like a real breakup. So I just love this topic. Thank you so much to Jasmine for submitting that. We're very excited to introduce this segment and would love to do more of this. So also fill out that form if you have anything that you want us to talk about. But to jump into the the topic, I don't even know where to start. Like I feel like I never know where to start. It's such a loaded topic.
SPEAKER_00Ooh, we like it really is loaded. Like this segment really could be called Ooh we because of how we a guide to navigating friendship breakups.
SPEAKER_01But we kind of touched on it in a former episode. We had setbacks. Okay, yeah. Um, and that was kind of a personal setback, is when you do have connections with someone, whether that be platonic or romantic, and then that doesn't work out, how do you deal with that? Right. Um, but we didn't really get to like jump in all the weirds. That's today, boo.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I just want to start by saying that when you think friendship breakup, you think drama, you think messy, you do all of these negative thoughts, but sometimes they're healthy. So there is a difference between an unhealthy friendship breakup and a healthy one, absolutely. Now, in my experience, because I've been very, very blessed to have so many great friendships from every stage of my life that are still rocking with me today. Hey KV! But I haven't really had to deal too much with breakups, but the ones that I've dealt with haven't necessarily been the healthiest. And it's almost felt a little undercover and sneaky, and there's been some signs that okay, maybe this isn't a true friend, and then it all unfolds kind of in the way that you expected. Like your intuition is never really wrong. True. So I can speak to what that looks like in terms of the things that I notice now in hindsight, of course, that's 2020. Yeah. But sometimes you do just kind of naturally drift away from a friend, and that's okay, that's totally healthy. And you kind of mentioned it a little bit with when you when you do drift away from someone in a healthy manner, does that still hurt for you? Like, what are your thoughts about that? Is it something that you accept from your personal experience? You just accept it, or did it also still feel a little hurtful?
SPEAKER_00Well, first I want to say I'm glad that you broke it down between it can be a healthy breakup. Like, when we do think about friendship breakup, sometimes we do think that it has to be this huge dramatic thing when it doesn't have to be that, and it's most of the time it's not that. Really, I think reality TV has really ruined our perspective on drama. Oh, we went to Miami, we all fell out. You know, those TikToks that be like the girls' trip that didn't make it through, and it's like we went here and now we're not friends anymore. Like, no, first then y'all didn't go on that trip as friends anyway. Exactly that even happened. Exactly, exactly. But my point, anyway, whatever to your question. Honestly, whether or not it was drifting apart, it was a quote unquote mutual decision, it still hurts. Because at the end of the day, if I liked you enough to call you a friend, of course it's gonna hurt to lose you. So it might not hurt to a point of I'm crying like this is a breakup breakup, or you know, I'm really feeling like you did me dirty, or so on and so forth, but it still makes you feel a certain a sort of way because I personally have just had an experience where it might not have been mutual, but we just slowly started drifting apart. I don't know if you can see my finger movements of like slowly just started drifting apart, you know, and just stop texting each other. You know, the key sign is when you don't say happy birthday. Ooh, just saying when somebody stops wishing you a happy birthday, and I've noticed this, like I go out of my way, like I put people's birthdays in my calendar. No, the birthdays be serious.
SPEAKER_01The birthdays I have a birthday calendar too, me too.
SPEAKER_00And I will continuously, oh, happy birthday, happy birthday. And then I'll be like, wait, you scroll up and you're like, You've never said you haven't been saying this back to me recently for three years, actually. Wait, why am I just not clocking this? And now I feel stupid because it's like you clearly don't care. You clearly don't care. I know you know when it's my birthday because it'd be posted. I am posting on my birthday like any other girl is going to. And they're just swiping by, swipe, not even a like, not even a comment, not any of that. But I'm going out my way to text you personally. I'm not even DMing you, I'm texting you personally on your birthday to say happy birthday and make sure you have a good birthday. So yeah, and it hurts, it does because it's like, why do I feel like I'm always giving so much of myself? And I think this is just a common theme. This is coming up, and I'm now just now clocking this because I've said this before that I always feel like I'm giving a lot to other people, and it's my energy, it's my love, it's my friendship because I am just such an extroverted, friendly person. I want to be friends with everybody, yeah. Like, most likely to be friends, somebody, like literally me. So yeah, I mean it hurts, but it also is just so enlightening for me, too, because it's like, okay, good to know, and then I just move accordingly. I'm one of those people who I don't need to address everything. I I don't, it's a waste of energy, it's a waste of time for me, especially if this is not gonna affect my day-to-day life. I don't need to address every single thing, I don't need to address every single detail for something like that. Oh, you don't wish me a happy birthday? Noted, moving on. I'm not gonna bring that up to you and be like, so why aren't you wishing me a happy birthday? What's going on?
SPEAKER_01Like, that's just like why would that even come out? Exactly. Because, like, am I fiending for your happy birthday? Am I feeding for attention? Am I feeding for your friendship? Your birthday was happy whether or not you acknowledge it. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Baby, I was I was out in the country, okay? I don't have time to be thinking about businesses to run, I have to clock in tomorrow. Like, I have things to do.
SPEAKER_01It's just too much to do. Yeah, but the thing I love about you is that you don't start becoming strange or bitter or like, oh, maybe I'll be a less loving person because everybody in your life still gets that level of love. You just choose who now receives it, you know, and that's the best way to go about it. Like, all right, next year I just won't wish you happy birthday. But for my crew, oh, we're finna turn up.
SPEAKER_00Oh, we're turning up, we're gonna have a ball. We're going crazy, and you're gonna be like, dang, I really wish I would have wished her happy birthday. I could have been on that yet.
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah, exactly. So that's what I do love about you. But yeah, it's it's that little stuff that you'll be noticing, it's little things like that.
SPEAKER_00And it's like that might not be little to some people because some people really do take their birthday super, super seriously. And that's just a very loose example. Like the birthday example is just true for all girls. I feel like most girls really care about their birthday. Of course, there's some that really don't care, but I just feel like most people can relate to that example. But then there's also little comments, and I think you can definitely attest to the comments. Like, yeah, I've oh I can't peeped comments, and I've just kind of like I'm the person to like, mmm, like I said, note to self. Note to self. Hmm, interesting, noted, moving on, and I'll still the problem with me is I'll act like not. Nothing happened. I'll act like that didn't actually affect me. I'll act like that didn't really rub me the wrong way. And I'll keep treating you as if you're a close friend, but you're still taking these little jobs here and there. And now I know just from life, 2020, like you said, that has nothing to do with me. That has more to do with them. But still, like, why do I want to be in a friendship with somebody who's consistently projecting their insecurities onto me? As if that has anything to do with me. It has more to do with the inner work that you need to do. Exactly. And you're just mad, maybe that I've done the work, maybe I'm a representation of the work that you need to do that you're trying to avoid, so on and so forth. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So, girl, so yeah, like I said, I have a couple of experiences with friendships ending to me in a way that it didn't have to go down that way. And when I look back on it, and that's something that I wrote down, because I wrote down a list so I really wouldn't forget because I really wanted to hit on Jasmine's comment of like what were some of the what were some of the signs? Because everybody asked themselves that after a weird scenario, it's like, wait, was she ever my friend? Right. Then I go back and think and I'm like, oh, I should have known, I should have known right then. I should have known right then something was weird. But that is something I wrote down is comments that are really mean but are disguised as jokes. Yeah. And so the first time it happens, maybe you just laugh along with it. Cause okay, like sometimes you'll be joining on your friends, like and maybe it just went too far. And I'm a sensitive person, first of all. So sometimes it really is me. Like I might have, it might have just struck me wrong. Right. And you're just making a regular joke. So I allow things to slide too. And I'm like you, where I'm like, all right, it I'ma just take note of it, but I'm not gonna put every last issue out on the table for us to talk about. I just don't think everything is that deep. Yeah. But over time, you just it keeps happening, it's very pointed at me, and it starts to become just undeniable that that's what's happening. And now I'm feeling like a doormat because now I feel like I'm allowing you space to continue to play in my face. Like you're just making jokes on my behalf. But I've been in a couple different scenarios now where it's either something that because friends know a lot about you. It'll be something that a friend has made a comment to me about something they know I'm insecure about, whether it be my weight, my appearance, and it's a joke that speaks directly to that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And it's not truly funny, but it's they think that it's funny because it's coming from them and they're saying it in a joking tone, but it's hitting on something you've expressed before, yeah, that you feel uncomfortable with. Like, oh, I'm feeling heavier right now. I don't like how I look in this, and the next joke you want to crack is something about how I look in a particular outfit. Yeah. Like, why would this be funny right now? Right. So that's happened to me. Another form of it is making jokes in mixed company. Bonus points if it's boys instead mixed company. Oh my gosh. But making jokes that you will you don't even talk like that, and all of a sudden we get in front of this mixed We're gonna act different. You're hilarious. Oh my gosh. You're the comedian. Every single joke, right? Oh, let's look at Kendall doing this, or I'm I make the smallest mistake and let's blow it up and make that the joke so we can all laugh at me. Lord, and uh again, the first couple times I'm laughing too, but then you clock what's going on, and it's like wait, why am I laughing right now? You wanna be funny? Let's get hilarious because let's get funny.
SPEAKER_00You know what? No, let me not even step to that level. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01That's the thing, I can't do it. I'm not gonna do that back to you because, first of all, you're not that person, it always reflects back onto you. So, does it hurt in the moment? Yes, because I feel a little embarrassed, but also I'm more embarrassed for that person because you're screaming at me right now that you're insecure about something. You want to make me feel low to make yourself feel high. Why? Because you're not happy with yourself. It never is that they're putting you down because they they feel good and like you're actually below them. People don't do that. Like when you're a happy and whole person, you just want to uplift other people. Think back of you on your happiest day. You went outside and probably smiled at everybody and tried to uplift everyone. I love your shoes, girl. Your hair is phenomenal. Oh my gosh, that outfit. But when you're having a bad day, you might look at something and be bitter, be upset, be angry at it. So if someone is going out of their way to make little pointed comments at you, just know that's not a happy person. So that's kind of how I dealt with it is realizing this don't got nothing to do with me. Um, this has everything to do with you, but that is one thing that I've noticed. It was them little comments, boo. It's not funny. And there was a former version of me that allowed those things to happen. Now I don't even make jokes like that. We've talked about this before. I don't even make jokes about that, like me being incompetent, dumb, yeah, boring, fat, whatever. I self-talk say things like that about myself. So I certainly won't allow my friends to say it, even if I do think it's a genuine joke. I'm gonna politely tell you I don't joke like that.
SPEAKER_00That's not even funny, boo.
SPEAKER_01It's not funny because first of all, I'm not even making jokes about like about that about yourself. I'm not even making jokes like that about you, right? So I just respect expect the same type of respect.
SPEAKER_00A hundred percent. Oh girl, got my blood going over here.
SPEAKER_01I just started thinking about past scenarios I'm like over here jumping up and down like seriously, though, like those little comments.
SPEAKER_00Like, I think that your intuition knows, and I'm speaking directly to you, the listener, right now. Your intuition will always know whether that is a slick comment, whether they actually are taking a jab at you. You are going to know your mind is gonna tell you there's a gut feeling. Don't take that lightly. If you've already had this feeling about this person, don't take that lightly. It's for a reason. It's for a reason. Your female intuition is literally trying to tell you something, don't ignore it. Now, whenever that happens, though, how do you respond in that friendship? Are you now putting that person at a distance? Are you still gonna continue to be close to them?
SPEAKER_01So I learned this from my first therapist around the time that I was dealing with friendships kind of feeling strange. And it's the concept of compartmentalizing friends. So, yes, I definitely start to become a little distant. I don't have the same relationship with the person who has shown me time and time again that they will make weird comments about me, especially if it's pointed at my insecurities or something they know that would hurt my feelings. I the compartmentalizing comes from realizing that maybe this isn't the tightest of all friends. Like maybe this just needs to be an acquaintance. And then I don't tell them as much, I don't share as much of my life anymore. I keep you at an arm's length if I have to be friends with you, and then over time I just kind of stop talking to you altogether. Like for a lot of this, I was in school, so I would still have to see said person. I keep it cordial, but after that, there is no point for me to continue being your friend and choosing to be in your life because that's not someone that I would want to be around. So yeah, I absolutely get distant. Yeah, and I might get distant more I guess emotionally before physically, but the physical is always right behind it. There will be a day where you just never speak to me again, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_00It's coming, it's coming.
SPEAKER_01May not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but once I peep something, it's kind of hard to go back to the same relationship that I had with someone.
SPEAKER_00You got like three strikes.
SPEAKER_01Saxophones getting out there.
SPEAKER_00You had three strikes when I was like in high school and college. Now you only have one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you get one and a half. Like maybe the first time, you know, like I'm gonna let you know, yo, that's not that's not it. You do it again. Now I see how we're moving. And that's a wrap. I just don't I don't have time. I I have too many friends. Yeah, I have too many friends that I love that I'm not even in a need for more friends. So if I meet you and you acting weird, you can go.
SPEAKER_00Like, and I was literally just about to ask you how you felt about this. Is the question that's kind of coming up when you say stuff like that. What about the people who you feel like are getting close to you on purpose because of the fact that they feel like they can gain something from that friendship? Like it's not necessarily reciprocal on both ends, but they know and can see the direction that you're going, and they want a piece of that. But at first, you might have thought this was a genuine friendship. Now you start to peep that behavior, you might start to peep some comments that might not be as friendship-like, and you know, you start to get the feeling that maybe you're only trying to be friends with me because of the benefits of being friends with me, yeah, not for actually being friends with me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's crazy because I wrote that down too. No way! Literally, friendship only friendship only when it's convenient. And I guess this kind of plays into it, but not being considerate in their actions. I think those go hand in hand because yeah, it's that's another one for me. I've noticed that as well. Where you are low-key just friends with me because of what I can do for you. But when it's time to actually be a true friend and consider me how a true friend would, something's missing. Yeah. Which to me just speaks to a lack of love. It's just what can I get from you? Because true friends don't do that. They're there for you when it's convenient and when it's not convenient, but it takes a longer time to realize that. And that's really only happened to me maybe once or twice, where I realized that someone was friends with me because of what I could do for them. And everything was dandy when I was actively performing something, when I was giving them rides everywhere, when I was introducing them to new people and experiences, when I was inviting them over to my place because you want to crash here because it's close enough to wherever you're going next. Like when it was things that I was doing. But when I needed something or when I needed just when I was a human of any sort and just needed you to be there for me, like it was kind of cricket. Yes. But yeah, it just had to that those instances had to happen over time because it's the same thing with the jokes. Like the first time that it happens, you're just thinking, okay, maybe they're not thinking about it the way I'm thinking about it. Like, that's fine, like whatever. But it becomes a pattern that you can't unsee in someone. And for me, I just also analyze that person's relationship with everyone else in their life, and you'll see that you're not the only person. A person who moves like that moves like that with everyone. They tend to be more of your like social climber type of personality. They pretty much you can look around at their friend group, but every person, they're closer to people who they're getting things out of actively. And even if you ask them about past experiences with other friends and you ask, like, oh, what happened with this person? The way that they craft stories, you can tell that that's the kind of person that they are, but you have to just be looking, you have to be aware, you have to just, I don't know, if you look at a person for long enough, you can see that that's how they are. So it helps with not taking things personally and doing the same thing as the last example, removing your access. Like, no, I'm not gonna put my, I'm not gonna stick my neck out for you anymore if you're not doing the same thing for me. That's just when I start mirroring, like, okay, I'll do for you what you want to do for me. Yeah, I'm not, I'm no longer initiating the plans, I'm no longer initiating uh doing really, really over-the-top things for you. We can just be acquaintances until it just naturally fades off over time. Like I just stop putting as much energy into it once I peep that not only are you low-key using me, but I can see how you're using other people and you like people more when they're doing things for you. Like that's not that typically is not a trait in someone that only shows up just for you. Yeah, it's it's a pattern.
SPEAKER_00So, what happens when it doesn't show up for anybody else but you?
SPEAKER_01I've never experienced that because I think people tend to be it tends to be just who people are. Like, in my experience, I've noticed that it's how they just show up in the world, it's a part of their personality at this point. Like, I've never seen it where someone singled me out, to be honest. I feel like I have. That's scary.
SPEAKER_00It's a little off-putting. Yeah. I'm like scared right now.
SPEAKER_01No, I mean, I do see what you're saying. Like, if you have someone that attaches themselves to you because of you specifically, yeah. That I think I shut down entirely because that person might just really have an obsession with you and they're jealous of you. Like, I don't even entertain that at all. But I have had less than.
SPEAKER_00Or are they envious? If you haven't seen the episode, don't watch it.
SPEAKER_01I think that's a scary thing for me because I don't want no one in my life that uh attaches themselves purely to me and is singling me out because I think that spirals so quickly into something scary.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like they might either be attaching themselves to you or um singling you out, and the way that you notice all their other friendships is very different than the friendship that they have with you. So they might be kiki cool with you know everybody else and have genuine friendships with them, but when it comes to you, there's just something off about that friendship. You can notice how they act in their familial life, and they're a really good daughter, they're a really good daughter, they're a really good sister, they're a really good, maybe even girlfriend, but to you, they're just not a good friend.
SPEAKER_01I I don't even think I can speak to that because immediately, no. Like, I can't even play with that. Yeah, so I think I shut that down immediately because what do you mean you can do this to everybody but me? Like, yeah, nah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. What about you? I don't know. I feel like I've had that happen to me before. Like, we started off cool, and then once they started making more friends, it kind of felt like I got put in the third row of a Ford expedition, and everybody else took the front seat, second row, and then I'm in the back with my legs cramped, you know? It just kind of felt off, and at first I was just like, Oh, it's okay, like I'm making room for other people in your life because I'm not the only person, obviously, but now it's starting to feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you just the last possible priority. Exactly. That's so strange.
SPEAKER_00It is very strange, and sugar honey iced tea happens, to be honest. And then I was also gonna say, like, I can remember being in school and just being I've like I say this all the time, I need to be involved. I'm going to be in everything. If there's a club, I'm in it. Like, everybody's gonna know who I am, and that's a club for people who love clubs. You're the president. I'm the president, I'm the president of the club, actually, and we're joining other clubs. Like, I'm going to be involved. And so naturally, I knew a lot of people. Like, even at West, like, I used to work in the rec center, so I was, you know, getting to know a lot of the people who would either come to the gym on a consistent basis. Who are the people that come to the gym on a consistent basis in college? Answer athletes, exactly.
SPEAKER_01I thought you were gonna answer it. That's why I'm just looking at it. I was like, I didn't realize it's a real question.
SPEAKER_00Answer it. Athletes, right? And who has the majority pool on campus most of the time? Athletes, student athletes, they're gonna know more people then, and it's not even like I'm trying to, you know, attach myself to athletes. I just, and to be honest, I've never been one for popularity. Like, I don't care that you're a football player. I could care less, actually. You probably are not even that good. Like, I'm like, I'm just keeping it a blue. Do you even play? I've never seen you hold. We're definitely a bench warmer, but it's fine because people love bench warmers as long as they're on the football team, you know? Like, they like they gotta be something. They can love the water boys, honestly. They're on the football team, they're on the football scholarship, and it's a water boy, but he's mine, you know what I'm saying? Like, I never understood that. I really didn't, but you know, I've never been one for popularity. So if you could be on the basketball team, you could be on the football team, you could be whatever, and I really wouldn't care. Like, you know, when I cross, like everybody's like, oh my god, you're a king, you know, he's an omega, la-la-la. I don't care. I literally don't care. Are they a good person? Are they a good person? Do they have a good person? Like, yes, I've never been one for the vanity metrics of what clubs are you involved in? Da-da-da-da-da. Like, I just knew a lot of people naturally, just because that's my personality, that's who I am. And I could feel the more things that I got involved in, the more, you know, people that I started to meet, the more people that I felt like started to almost attach themselves to me because of the proximity that I had to all these other people.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I do see what you mean. And that's a big problem. Yeah. Especially in a college setting. I think so many colleges have that problem. I think it's the biggest problem on college campuses is the is the like clout, social climbing. You could tell a lot of friendships were built on the fact that someone's doing something that you want to be doing, so you attach them yourself to them. Exactly. A lot of performative stuff, a lot of transactional stuff. Exactly. Yeah, I think that's that I shut all that. I can't do it either. I'm just not that girl. So I think it might have helped me back a little bit in the sense that I just wasn't willing to play that game with a lot of people, and maybe that shut me out of some opportunities. Yeah. But I was okay with that because this isn't not in alignment with the person that I am, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or that I'm looking to become. Yeah. And I think for me personally, because I did cross aka, and that is one of the top sororities across the nation, right? Like, people are looking to you. Oh, where's the function? Oh, you know, who are you? Like, where are your line sisters and all this stuff?
SPEAKER_01And even like prospective members, like, did you ever have issues with like people trying to get close to you because low key they wanted to join?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yes, yeah, yes, all of that, yes, and that's all I'll say on that. But it got weird, it literally got weird, and I feel sometimes that I was the only person feeling that way. Like, y'all don't think that's weird, like y'all didn't see her not talk to us at all, you know, when we were all, for lack of a better term, GDIs, and now all of a sudden we're all online together and we've crossed and we've come out. And oh, this person may be buddy buddy. She wants to know what we're doing, she wants to da da da. And it's like I peep that I see you. Some people that feeds their ego and their pride.
SPEAKER_01But even if we're feeding into that, oh, she wants to be busy, she wants to be. None of these people are reading.
SPEAKER_00I don't feel weird. It is very weird. It was, it was, it did not sit right in my spirit, which is why I feel like I fell back. I fell so far back. Like, I was like, I don't like this anymore. Like, I don't like being in this spot. Like, I don't like going to I never really like going to parties. I was so lame. I'm not gonna lie. Everybody would always be like, Oh, you going here? Y'all, yeah, I'm not gonna be able to do that. Y'all have fun though. You turn up for me. It's just like it's gonna get shut down. Like, what am I gonna get dressed up and go out for just to have to come back home an hour and a half later? Like, just to say just to say I went and I was there and I showed face, like maybe, but like most of the time, it just was not worth it. That's just not me. But at the end of the day, like, even people who weren't even trying to be members of these organizations, maybe they just genuinely just wanted to go out more and they wanted to do more things. Oh, I see that you are doing this, or now that you have like maybe I was just an acquaintance before, but now that you've done this, oh now we're friends, like now we're even closer. And oh, oh my gosh, like, oh, we have the same class together. Baby, you have never talked to me before, right? Well, what do you mean we have the same class together? I've been seeing you, I know you've been seeing me, and now you want to be all buddy buddy and come up to me and say something, noted, just just note it, you know. And then even now in my adult life, like let's let's fast forward because I was that was some years ago. I just feel like I'm in an entirely different world. But I say that also to say that there is a different level when it comes to adulthood, because now outside of college life, it's who are you actually going to be? Like, are you people can see you and read the success that is inevitably destined for you, right? Like I can meet somebody and see the hunger in their eyes, whether or not they have it, you know. Like there, I used to do interviews and I used to know when people were just BSing, and I used to know when people were for real. This might not have been the avenue for them, but they'll get to it eventually. And so now it's like people circling back because they see that for me. Like, even when I started doing YouTube and I started doing content creation, and I kind of started posting about all the things that I was doing and the places I was going, it's like people coming out the Wilverks, oh, we should plan a trip. Should we? Like, excuse me? I haven't talked to you in years. Like, and you want to go out the country together? Let's start with going to coffee. Like, let's go to dinner. Like, like, seriously. Let's sit down and get to know how we've evolved. Like, it's just like stuff like that. That man, it just grinds my gears because wow. And this is me also, like, when I told you, the person who's listening to this right now to listen to your intuition, I'm telling that to me too. Like, there's people who I know that I probably would need to keep my distance from right now in this very moment. It's like they may seem like they're supporting you, but are they really? And for me, I feel like the answer is like, not really. Like, it could be that they're waiting for you to slip up just to make them feel better about themselves and where they are and the things that they're doing. But, you know, and like I said, this is just life experience, and it it's no shade, it's no none of that. It's literally just life experience, and it's the things that I'm literally going through right now that I feel reflect really well on this episode. And uh, it's just decisions that you have to make, and it sucks. Like, it really does suck to have to ultimately make the decision to cut somebody off. Like, for me, some of the friendships that I've lost have been gradual, they haven't been dramatic. Um, like you said in the beginning, like, is it always gonna be dramatic? It has not always been dramatic for me, and even like after leaving college, I lost a lot of people. Like, I literally did because one, I'm no longer on campus, so I can no longer give you proximity to the things that you want to do. Because the thing about me is that when I leave campus, I leave campus. Well, no, some of them people be back every other day.
SPEAKER_01They be back because they they're actually students, they're still there right now, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like right now, like right now, homecoming's coming up, they'll be there, and it's like no shade, homecoming's a good time.
SPEAKER_01They're they are so attached, they're attached, but no, yeah.
SPEAKER_00When we move on, we move on. It's time we can acknowledge when a chapter has ended. And it's cool. Sometimes we reread you might want to reread every now and then.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's why you definitely be at homecoming when it's time to come home, but that's not my action, that's not my home. That is not my ohana, and some people don't.
SPEAKER_00That's family. Ohana means family. I'm crying. It's gonna be the point that it is, boo.
SPEAKER_01If ohana now means home, that's what it now means.
SPEAKER_00That's what it is because family is home. Thank you. I knew what you were trying to say. Exactly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Exactly. But yeah, like once I left school, I left. I didn't, I'm not still trying to talk to this person to help you to help them. Look, baby, that's just I didn't have that. And if I'm gonna say, oh, because I didn't have it, you're not gonna have it either. That's not what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01You knew better to be hitting people up that don't even go here anymore. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00They got they have lives to make to work nine to fives to work, like they don't got my cleans of an a lemon and clean set too. Like, this is getting me heated. Let me let me like let's do it.
SPEAKER_01I'm right there with you, girl. I'm getting heated too. Maybe we weren't prepared to talk about this in a minute. Maybe we're Jasmine. Oh my god, Jasmine. But I yeah, now that we are adults, like I just had to get the boundaries together because I think I've seen little inklings of that type of scenario where someone's trying to get close to me because maybe I can do something for them, or you know, I'm like, I've never liked the phrase, like, oh, she's so pretty, I want to be her friend. Maybe in middle school, yeah. That's it, it worked perfectly in middle school because that's how it was. Girl, you're you're so cute. Let's be best friends. That's exactly how it went. But no, as an adult, I don't want you to see me and think she's pretty, I'm pretty, we would be friends. What is this? What do we have in common? What besides looks built on? Right. Like all of my friends' tens, yes, yes, but that's that's like happened, that's like by chance, right? But the connection I have with all of them exactly than she's cute and she can dress. But I had to get the boundaries together because even now, like in corporate, there's so many competitive spaces. We didn't leave school and everyone became mature. No, we just left school and entered an entirely different environment with the same people with the same problems, yes. And I I'm just quick to you can just spot it from a mile away when you've gone through a couple of experiences where I know someone's not a genuine person, and they're not actually asking me questions like I had this problem not too long ago, but you're asking me questions, and I can tell it's not because you actually care or this is coming from a genuine place. You're trying to get so much information about me. Yeah, I'm very vague, and I think people will see me, know that I'm being I'm keeping it cute with you because I know the setting we're in. We might be at work, we might be at a at a networking event. I'm not gonna trauma dump. And people try to poke and prod at it. Oh, so are you you in a relationship? Oh, so what do you got coming up for for summer? Like that's okay, that's not a good one because that's like that's pretty broad. What do you have? Like, don't be asking you, we leave it at that, because that's a really good one. But are you in a relationship, or what do you actually think about this person, or what are you working on now at work, or do you even like your boss for real? Or it's like questions like that where it's like I don't feel the need to share with you all of this, and I don't know why you're poking and prodding. And if this was a genuine thing, I would definitely tell you all about my life. But you don't know me, I don't know you, and people have a hard time with boundaries sometimes and want to push it. Yeah, you gotta stand firm in that because you don't want to subject yourself to a bunch of weird energy. I certainly don't. I certainly don't, I certainly don't. Yeah, I don't have good energy around me. Friends with people like that, just because we work in the same place or you're cute or anything like that. I develop my friendships over time because the establishing thing for friendships with me is trust. And I can't learn to trust you over one conversation, over one hangout. Over time, when I see that you are a trustworthy person, I'm considering you now more of like a deep friend to me. But everyone else is genuinely an acquaintance, and I think that we use the word friend a little too loosely, agreed, and I'm learning how to not do that. Like just because I know her and she knows me, I don't have to say that's my friend. Right. Acquaintance feels so negative and mean because it almost is like too far. Like, I wonder if there's another word. Colleague is too professional. That's definitely like I'm I'm thinking I work with you. But I'm wondering if there's just so now I'll just be like, oh, this girl I know. You know, I try not to call everyone my friend because genuinely I have my friends and I know who that is. Just because I know them and they seem cool doesn't mean that's my friend because you genuinely never know. You never know someone's intentions, and you should you should the word friend should really mean something.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Not just that I'm friends with a thousand people just because I know them. Right. Like I just because we follow each other on Instagram, does not mean we don't make you my friend. Because we swipe up and call each other, we'll we'll do the heart eyes, that doesn't mean that you're my friend. It's just that I know you and you're cool.
SPEAKER_00You're cool, and that's not to say that we can't be friends in the future. We just need to build and cultivate that relationship.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because if I just met you today, that does not mean that we need to be friends tomorrow. Right. Give it three months. Let's go out to dinner, let's get to know each other.
SPEAKER_01And this is true now, even further than friends. Yeah. People who are genuine about getting to know you don't rush things like that.
SPEAKER_00They don't.
SPEAKER_01They're waiting around because exactly. But people who are so quick to want to get in your circle, so quick to know your all of your business, so quick to be are the exact same people who are doing it for the entirely wrong reasons. And when the shit hits the fan, the first one the other way, the shit hits the fan, you're gonna you're gonna look back and be like, I should have known it was fake.
SPEAKER_00And they gone, they gone, they done did the same thing with three other people and then some, yeah, and you sitting here like, oh wow, I should have known better.
SPEAKER_01Well yeah, but once you see the signs, it's so much easier to like recognize it in other people, and that low-key reminds me of another warning sign that maybe this isn't the healthiest friendship, or this might lead to a breakup, is wanting to know too much about you, wanting to be too close to you too soon. I think that leads to codependency. And I've noticed with my friends that I ended up forming a codependent relationship with that. It can be a little tricky because you become a little too close to someone, and now every last thing that you do is bigger, it's grander, there's no real boundaries between the two of you, and they got to know too much too soon, too quick, and it's all fun and games in the moment because you feel like you're falling in deep with the friend, like it's actually really nice, but that's been something that I've noticed that hasn't gone the best in the past. And I think it it just was when I was a little bit younger, and it was easier to form codependent relationships with friends. Now I I can't really say I'm codependent with any friend, but if you're younger and you're listening, or you might be going through something like that now, it is something to look out for. Your friend can't be everything to you, and I've had instances in the past where I felt like my role as a friend, I it felt like it was I was expected to do more than just what a friend would do. I was having conversations with my friend, almost like I was in a relationship with them, like they would be jealous if I hung out with someone else. Or like if I was to try to get into a relationship, they had feelings about that man that weren't normal. It wasn't like, oh, I don't think he's good for you. It's just that you're take he's taking away time that you would normally be calling me.
SPEAKER_00Another arc moment.
SPEAKER_01Like, okay, what does that mean? So just be on the lookout for that too, because that is also a sign that it's not the healthiest form of a friendship because that's this is your friend at the end of the day, you know, and it's something that that's another thing I gaslet myself on. I was like, well, I don't even know how I explained that away. But now looking back on it, I'm like, wait, what do you mean I was feeling guilty for c for for going on dates because you are with the way what honestly, this is another topic for another day, but that person did not just want to be your friend.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna leave it at that. I'm gonna leave it at that. Because what do you mean you're jealous that I went on a date that I'm talking to somebody that I'm interested in romantically? Your friend would be excited for you. They would be excited. They'd be like, oh my god, community. Like, what's going on? Like, how do you feel about it?
SPEAKER_01Right. So, in the grand scheme, now looking back on it, I can peep. Oh, maybe they weren't my friend like that for real. Like something else was going on there, something was weird.
SPEAKER_00Something's going on there.
SPEAKER_01Something's going on there. It's either you're jealous, you're jealous, or envious of the fact that I'm spending time with someone else, and so it makes you feel insecure, it makes you feel triggered, which none of those things are something that now I should be feeling like I have to carry the weight and explain yourself, explaining to you, but because I'm your friend, I was trying to. I was like, no, like I'm not, I don't suddenly care for you less, but also it was kind of weird to me. So I think that codependency is something to look out for, and someone not being happy for you in moments where a regular friend would be happy is a huge warning sign that goes for anything past relationships. Yeah, you get a new job, if you get if you move into a new place, if you just are generally feeling happier, like peep people who are only friends with you when your life is going bad. Yeah, and now we we have so much in common, we're key keen. The moment you get up and turn your life around, why are you moving weird with me?
SPEAKER_00Don't even get me started.
SPEAKER_01Because you was you were there with me when I was going through it with boys, and I'm calling you and I'm irritated. You was right there. Yeah, girl, know your worth. The moment I know my worth, and now I've attracted better. You mad.
SPEAKER_00You're not even trying to talk to me anymore. You're not even trying to maintain that relationship, you're not even trying to talk about the fact that I'm feeling happier. Like, yeah, like why does my happiness seem to be the trigger right now? So exactly. Ooh, we just we just hit on something. That was like, oh my gosh, it's yeah, truly sound like a car engine game rev though. That was a little intense, my bad. Seriously, though, like wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. No, like monitor your friendships closely enough to know when you feel like something's off. I think it has a lot to do with knowing yourself too. Like, you have to know yourself to the point where you're listening to yourself. Like you can know yourself, but do you listen to yourself? And that is the key. Like, there's a difference between hearing something and listening to something. Okay. So when you hear the signs, actually take a minute and listen and process and understand what that is trying to tell you.
SPEAKER_01Because that's my problem, is I'm too understanding. I give too much grace. Like, I don't assume the worst of people. So I don't either. When things happen, like I will just allow something to pass, and I'm not holding that against you. But again, when I start noticing them patterns, I do have to listen to myself. Yeah. Because I don't want that around me.
SPEAKER_00And you know what another good point is is having people around you that can peep those signs for you and check you about it too. That's so true. Because I will say, I met my boyfriend in my junior year of college. So we have been together since, and I'm about two, three years removed now. And so he would peep some of the friendships that I had and be like, This seems a little off, but I'm gonna let you come to that conclusion on your own. I'm gonna just tell you from my point of view, this is what it looks like, and I'd be like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_01Same with my mom. Later, I was just about to say, Your mama be knowing never wrong. They be knowing, and I don't even give my mom that much information, it's just them little check-ins, and I'll mention something, and then over time she's peeping something I haven't seen yet. Yeah, but truly, like, people, there are some people in your life that will be able to tell you something that you might not be ready to hear, but still keep note of it because they're most times like it comes to a point where you see exactly what they're saying, and it's almost even better that they're saying it because they're a third party, they don't have they're not invested in it.
SPEAKER_00Well, they're not at all. Like, that's not they friend, they're not bad. They could care less if you continue. I mean, they of course they would care if you continue that relationship because it's detrimental to you at that point.
SPEAKER_01They don't know that person like that, like they wouldn't have some vendetta against that person, exactly. So if they're peeping something, right, maybe you should listen.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, a hundred percent. So it's good to have people in your corner, it's good to have people in your circle that understand you and actually know you to a point where they literally only want what's best for you, and they don't want what's best for you for show, like they genuinely want what's best for you, they want you to win, and a lot of the times that is going to be a parent or a significant other that just genuinely wants to see you win in every scenario, they don't want to see your feelings get hurt, they want to see you have good people in your circle, so just take note of that, pay attention, and that is one thing that I wanted to say about that because he definitely called some friendships that I've lost after I left college before I even lost up. Yeah, before I even peeped it. Like he might have met them for the first time and was like, yo, something's off. I'm like, you don't even know this person. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. I'm just telling you from what you know from my point of view. Okay, I respect it. Thank you for telling me. Two years later, it all unfolds, and it's like, oh, great. So I remember that one time they told me and you what what exactly did you think about? You know, what made you think that? You know, like man, I need to know what to look for next time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but hindsight's always 2020. You really can't beat yourself up because moving throughout the world and being a genuine person and just wanting genuine friendships, like you're not thinking that any of this is gonna happen. You just think, okay, if I'm a good person, I'll attract good people. Yeah, are we perfect? No, like have there been times where I've disappointed someone in a friendship? Absolutely. Definitely, like nobody's perfect, but you just think, okay, like this will be fine, but everybody doesn't move like that, and you just become a lot more aware and then know how to protect yourself after a series of events, yeah. But sometimes you just have to go through it and come out on the other side, you just have to go through like there's no other way, you gotta go through it, and the only way to go through it is to grow through it because it's it's a lot of different people out there, so it's like it's kind of hard to just every single friendship you have is just gonna last. Yeah, no, things naturally end reason, season, a lifetime, exactly. And I, you know, thank you next by Ariana is my theme song today because I do genuinely love every person I've ever loved. Yeah, all of my friends that I was ever friends with, do I want them to be thriving today? Of course, yeah. We just can't be thriving together because it just wasn't working no more. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00But I I never like have felt like I wanted to wish ill intent on anybody that I was I called a friend at a point in time. Because what kind of person does that make mean?
SPEAKER_01It's just like even people who I feel like genuinely have done me dirty or have done some shady stuff, I just have to let that be that season. Like, yeah, I just have to let that be that season. You were my friend when it was time to be my friend. It started to become weird when it became weird, and I'm leaving it there. Yeah, and thank you for all those experiences and fun, but I ain't got none more for you because I don't keep that around me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I don't, and I won't. I just won't, and I can't. If I really want to get to the place that I want to be in life, I cannot have that energy around.
SPEAKER_01People who aren't secure in themselves, it's just not gonna work.
SPEAKER_00And I'm not gonna tell you you need to do the work, you need to come that to that conclusion on your own. Like, I'm not gonna be the person to be like, here, read this book. You need that.
SPEAKER_01Am I your mom? Like, it does get to a point where you just I want to support my friends through everything, but I can't become your lifeline. Yeah, I can't do all the work for you. I'm not gonna support you through you genuinely feeling so insecure or so broken or unhealed that it's now bleeding out onto me.
SPEAKER_00That's not my job, it's not, and it will never be your job with anybody except for yourself, maybe your kids one day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, for my for my offspring, yeah, for the humans I literally brought onto this earth, I will be doing everything possible for them. Yeah, literally. There's never an issue they can't come to me with, but that's not my that's not my role. I'm not your mom in a friendship, yeah, at all. At all. So especially because I don't even do that to people when I'm going through something like that, is my opportunity to pick up the phone and make an appointment with my licensed therapist. Yes, I'm not coming to you and just unhealthily trauma dumping, and every time you call me, you feel like, okay, I gotta coach Kendall through this. Oh, I gotta drop everything. Kendall needs me. That's not a friendship.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. There's levels, there's definitely levels. Like you can always call when things get hard. There's every single time.
SPEAKER_01And then there's like, I'm literally depending on you. And if you don't answer the phone or codependent, show up for me, yeah. That's where I'm like that. Codependency thing is such a slippery slope because it masks as being a really good friend, it masks being close to someone until you start to realize this is like slightly unhealthy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, slightly, girl. This just is unhealthy, really unhealthy for sure. Or you can book a consultation with my girl, a set.
SPEAKER_01Hello, and fix that relationship with self-fix that relationship with a few. So you can fix your relationship with your friends, yep.
SPEAKER_00And your people, but it all does start with you.
SPEAKER_01Like, I don't fault anybody, and anyone who I was ever friends with who I don't no longer feel like I'm friends with anymore, could be on their own personal journey. I could talk to them right now, and it will be so different because maybe they've evolved, they've come so far. Like you're not ever just stuck in being one version of yourself, yeah. Which is why I'll never claim to know people who I was friends with years ago. Right. I don't know what journey you're on right now. Literally, literally don't know, but quite literally, I just wish the best for everyone because at the end of the day, why would I wish anything else? Exactly. But you just have to put the boundaries in place to protect yourself from utter nonsense because you're not you don't have to sign up for that at all.
SPEAKER_00The energy you put out is the energy you get back. If you're putting out positive energy, especially after something like this happens, and you realize that everything happens for a reason, and there are you took all the things that you could do and you did them, and it's didn't work out, okay, that's fine. But as long as you're not like, oh, forget that person. I hope they, you know, da da da. Like they're awful people. I hope nobody's friends with them. Like, that's the energy you're literally gonna get back. Like, you're gonna meet awful people. The people that you meet are not gonna actually be friends with you. Like, everything is an energy exchange, it's an energy transfer. The energy you put out is literally the energy that you get right back. So you really have to be careful. Like, yes, things don't work out. Maybe it was a nasty friendship breakup. Maybe you went to the girls' trip in Miami and y'all, y'all did not come back together. Oh well, as long as you made it back home in one piece, you are alive, you are okay, you can go to sleep in your bed that night and wake up the next morning. Thank God in the universe that you are still here. You can find other friends. You will find people who are more like you, who would want better for you, who genuinely want to be your friend. Why put out that negative energy? You still have your life, you still have the rest of your life ahead of you, you still have a good life behind you. You probably have some really good times in that friendship that you can cherish. There's no reason to wish any sort of ill intent on anyone if things did not work out in quote unquote your favor, because they actually did work out in your favor, and there's a reason that friendship didn't work out. You just have to believe that that is exactly the path that it needed to go down. So I'm done preaching.
SPEAKER_01Oh girl, I'm about to say that's basically my walkout, to be honest with you, because I love that. Yeah, I love everything about that, and yeah, just being able to know the signs of a friendship that isn't serving you anymore, and then knowing how to let that go. That's exactly what I want to walk out with. Because the opposite of love isn't I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Like the opposite of here's how I phrase it moving on does not mean you're bad mouthing someone, you haven't moved on. You're just indifferent once you moved on. You you're a little bit more detached from the scenario, you're able to just accept the good for what was good and accept the bad for what it was, but you move on. You you don't wake up every day thinking about this person and you and you angry. That screams that you haven't truly moved on yet, which is fine, but don't go bad mouthing people that have you don't you're no longer close with. Don't just go on a smear campaign. Yeah, like don't hold all of that so close to you because then you truly haven't moved on and you truly haven't healed. So I like that you said that because I think that is ultimately the walkout. I think we always try to end with what what what what can we do? Because people are going to be themselves, people might mistreat you over the course of your life, but like what exactly can I do about it? Like that's great and all. Right. But I'm hurting and what can I do? And genuinely just continue to be yourself, focus on yourself and uh heal from that experience, but then continue to keep the love, light, and positivity about you because you will attract more like-minded people and friends by just uh existing as yourself and not allowing negative friendships to harden you and turn you into the said negative friend. Because now the next person you meet, you ready to get one up on them before they get one up on you. That's not the type of that's not the resolution that you want to have when something like that happens. So I like that you said that.
SPEAKER_00That's the walkout for me too, girl. Keep it, keep it open, keep it airy, stay true to yourself. If you know something is off, listen. Like our signs of what we feel like could be off in a friendship, could be different than your signs. So you truly just have to know yourself, know your worth, and be aware of when it's time to walk away from a situation. Don't sit in something longer than you know is necessary because there's always something better for you on the other side, whether that is a friendship, a relationship, relationship with self, you know, like literally You deserve to be loved. You really do. You deserve to be able to do it.
SPEAKER_01You deserve to be appreciated. If somebody is making you feel that way and that's your friend, that's not your friend, or that's making you not feel that way, I guess I should say. If someone's making you feel the opposite of all of that, right, right, you don't have to be there, like you don't deserve that.
SPEAKER_00We have free will, we have free will, and I know it might not feel like it sometimes, but even if that means you gotta rock a season being alone, you gotta rock a season.
SPEAKER_01I would much rather be alone than to be surrounded by a bunch of fake. Yeah, I promise you that, and that makes you stronger. Once you realize you can be by yourself, you don't need to depend on other people.
SPEAKER_00Baby, you're set, bro. You are so set. Like when you cultivate the friendship that you have with yourself, and you become my mom used to always tell me whenever I would call her in high school, so I don't want to be around with me. She'd be like, Stephanie, what did what did my Angelo say? You need to learn how to be your own best friend. Be your own best friend. She used to always tell me. I used to hate when she said that cool. I used to hate it when she hate hearing. You need to learn how to be your own best friend. But now, as a grown woman, oh my gosh, she was not lying. And that is something that I am going to instill in my children. Be your own best friend. Like, I don't care if that means you reading a book to yourself in the corner, to you and your teddy bears. Be your own best friend. Like, I'll take myself out and I will have the best day, just diddy dad dilly dallying. Dilly dallying, don't and being my own best friend.
SPEAKER_01Would much rather that above any of any other thing because nah. Yeah, no, be your own best friend, be your own best friend.
SPEAKER_00That's my walkout.
SPEAKER_01Be your own best friend. Be your own best.
SPEAKER_00What did Ari say? What did Ari say in that yes and song? She was like, and say the ish with your chest. Yep. And be your own as a best friend. Say the ish with your chest. Keep moving like what? Oh, she's it's a whole nother thing. Keep moving. We got the line we needed. We got the line. Put it down, put it down, put it down. I don't know how much. I'm sorry. Oh my gosh. That's all we need to say, though. That's my walkout. Be your own best friend. Learn how to be your own best friend. And when you learn how to be your own best friend, you really know what you can and cannot tolerate from other people. Exactly. And you really start to take less sugar money and seed from others.
SPEAKER_01Because if I'm not treating myself like this, why am I allowing you to treat me like this?
SPEAKER_00Anyway, okay, we've been yapping, y'all. We've been yapping the camera about to die. Let's wrap it up. So thank you so much, Jasmine, for submitting that topic. We had a very, very good conversation. You helped a lot of people out today. So shout out to you. And if you guys want to have your topic submitted or featured on our episode, or even have a whole episode be about your topic, please go to the Let Me Help You Out topic submission form in our description below and submit a topic request. Okay. We will be more than happy to help you out, sister. And then also if you have a black business, go ahead and fill out that spotlight request form as well and send that around to anybody that you also know that has businesses, couple housekeeping things. Be sure to give us five stars on all of the platforms that we're currently on, which is Apple Music and Spotify, that you can rate us and subscribe and give us a like on YouTube because we look so good for you today. You don't even know. If you listen in on Apple Podcasts, you don't even know. Actually, you probably you can see us integration now. Well, well, hello, hello. This is awkward. I'm just like, but go ahead and give us a like um and comment the the two girls holding hands. That one hello comment that emoji and then comment the ex and yeah, so if you have anything to contribute to the conversation, as always, leave that in the comments below. People can always be helped out a little bit more, we can always be helped out a little bit more, please. Okay, and um everything about the healing lounge will also be in the description below. So please check out the description. We're so excited for our live event coming up on August 2nd. So, other than that, am I missing anything? I don't think we're missing anything, girl. All right, well, friends, we will see you in the next episode. Bye, all of you.
