Let Me Walk You Out
Two women navigating young adulthood, relationships, ambition, and self-growth while sharing lessons that you can “walk out” of every episode with.
Let Me Walk You Out
Using Jealousy and Envy as a Catalyst for Growth
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S1, E6: In this episode of Let Me Walk You Out, Stephanie and Kyndall are talking about jealousy, envy, and how these emotions can become a catalyst for growth when we’re willing to be honest about them.
We discuss the difference between jealousy and envy, why these emotions can feel so shameful to admit, and how they show up in friendships, relationships, careers, money, body image, social media, and personal timelines.
We talk about what happens when someone has something you want, how to tell whether that feeling is pointing to a deeper desire, and how to use it as information instead of letting it turn into comparison, bitterness, or projection.
From content creation and post-grad career pressure to dating, beauty standards, and becoming your highest self, this episode is a reminder that envy does not make you a bad person. Sometimes, it is simply showing you the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
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Resources mentioned during the episode:
The Psychology of Money: https://amzn.to/43TwSko
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Club horses don't stop. They keep going. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02Welcome back, my loves. It's wonderful to have you back for another episode. Welcome to Let Me Walk You Out, the podcast that talks about navigating young adulthood, alignment, self-growth, ambition, and everything in between. Now, we are your host. I'm Stephanie. I'm Kendall. And we're so excited to have you here. So let's go ahead and jump right into this week's episode. And we'll get started with highs and lows. Highs and lows. Highs and lows. Highs and lows.
SPEAKER_04Okay, I'll start. Yeah, I was about to say you start. My high. It was so hard to choose this week. Girl, no. Like it's been a really good week.
SPEAKER_02Oh, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough.
SPEAKER_04It's been a really good week. So I had I have to do two because I could not pick. Yes. So my first one will go in chronological order. Okay. Was I was in Miami turning up another knot. Good girls' trip to Miami. And when I say girls, I just mean two. Yeah. We were the power duo taking over the city of Miami. But it was me and my friend Kayla. You know Kayla.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_04Um, for you all who don't know, Kayla is my bestest friend that I made in grad school. Yeah. We studied the same major. Do you call it?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, what do you call that? Is that a major? Is that a field? Concentration.
SPEAKER_04Concentration. We were in the same program. Yeah, but it's called. There we go. There we go. Same program. So we got to be very familiar with each other throughout the we both lived there for a year and a half. Um and we just became very tight. And we have always talked about me coming down to see her in Miami because she's originally from there. Yeah. Um, and loves Miami. Even when we were living in LA, she would always say, When I move back home, because she knew she was moving home. Like she just loves home. When I moved back home, like, you gotta come see me, you gotta come. So we finally made it happen. And I told her, girl, this will be an annual tradition. Like, oh yeah. Annually, I am booking a hotel and we are going to come and just spend the weekend, like in South Beach, and like all the other neighborhoods she showed me. She took me so many places. Like, I joke and say she's like the mayor of Miami. Like, it just feels like she knows everybody, she knows everywhere to go. When we would go places, like they would just roll out the red carpet for us just because they love her. Even at restaurants, we went into this one restaurant and she just like knew like one of the hosts, and they I saw the bill at the end. It was like family and friends discount 10%. I'm like, we're even getting special treatment at like your local restaurant. So I was just like, Hey, the girl, I'll be back. Okay, because she showed me a time. I need to go. She showed me a time. It was restaurant, club, yacht, beach, another club, another club, no sleep. But what's crazy is I'm such a sleepy person, like especially around like 10 or so. I just don't really want to go out. Like, if I'm already out, you don't you won't find me going out at like midnight. But for whatever reason, I just had so much energy on this trip. Like, I was like, I could do anything, anywhere, anytime. And I'm grateful I had that energy because I feel like Miami is just that place where you have to go and just be ready to have a ball. So shout out to Kayla. Yeah, shout out to Miami. Yeah, I'll be back. But I had a really good time. So that was number one. Um, hopefully, I look a little tan. Oh, you do okay, brown skin girl. We get real light in the winter, so I was like, if I can just get one shade darker, so that's it. Start my summer, I'm gonna take it. Let me get one tan line, please. Please, but um, and my second high was moving in. Yes, I moved into an apartment um yesterday. I was gonna say like this weekend, but that was like just genuinely like 24 hours ago. Yeah, quite literally, not even. Not even, like, it's been a whirlwind of a day, for real. But um, I moved into my new apartment and I'm obsessed with it. I love the unit. I've been knowing that I'm moving into this apartment for a minute. Like, I think in a former episode, I talked about everything I was overwhelmed with, and that was on the list that I was touring apartments and needing to find a place to live. And um, I signed the lease like two months ago at this point. Yeah. And I've just been just waiting. But actually getting the keys and being there was just such a like crazy. I was just like, wow, like we're really here. And um, I had my moving crew of my friends basically loyal people, don't worry. Some loyal people showing up, you being one all hands on deck, or we were in our yoga pants, yeah. It was a hot day, it's a hot day, happy sunny, like no cloud in the sky type of day. Yeah, um, humid Atlanta day humid. But we were out there carrying these boxes and and getting everything together. But to be honest, it was one of the smoothest moves I've had. Yeah, it wasn't even that bad. Like, I enjoyed it. Yeah, I had fun with my workout in, right? I thankfully have like pretty much all the furniture I need outside of a couple things, so just it was just a matter of getting everything unboxed and placed. Yeah, and I'm still in the process, of course. Like, nothing's really together in the unit, but I'm just happy to be starting this chapter. It just feels I just love new energy, I love new things, I love new experiences, I love new chapters. Yeah, and it feels like I'm definitely starting a new chapter, and I can't wait for like all the memories I'm gonna make in that apartment. Like, it's like perfect timing, too. It's great timing. I'm like, girl, it's summer, it's everybody's trying to be outside, close to everything, we're closer to everything, so I'm already knowing like I love it, it's about to be so much fun. Girl, I'm over there.
SPEAKER_02She's closer too, she's closer to me. So we're about to be already. Oh, are you already? Sorry, okay. We're already like this now. We're gonna get even more twisted. It's about to be a problem, it's about to be a problem.
SPEAKER_04So that's why I couldn't pick one because I feel like those two things like I couldn't think about either.
SPEAKER_02This is exactly the kind of weeks that we strive for.
SPEAKER_04Exactly. That's a crazy crazy. Like one one weekend, you in Miami, the next you're moving in. I'm like, literally, I got a little whiplash, a little bit, but I it's a good kind. That's a good whiplash.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so that's that's my highlight. I'm so happy for you. Thank you, darling. Everything, the trip, the move-in, and then you were literally debating going to Miami. I remember that.
SPEAKER_04I was debating because you know it's a lot. It's like transparently, I am really good at saving, so I have buckets for like everything. So I had a bucket for moving out, I had a separate bucket for Miami, but in the back of my mind, I was just like, but does it make sense to spend the Miami money if I know I'm moving in? Maybe that just needs to be reallocated. Yeah. But we talked in the last episode about my values, and I do prioritize joy. Joy. And I'm like, girl, you literally, first of all, you it's not like I'm just spending money I don't have and being reckless. I'm like, I saved for this. And honestly, it felt more appropriate to go to Miami and then move in. Kind of is just like a last week, yeah, and then now I'm gonna get readjusted into a routine. Yeah, I would have hated to have the Miami trip coming up like next weekend where I already feel all over the place.
SPEAKER_02You don't feel like everything's together, yeah. But you're going out of town and have a good time, and then you have to come back to like kind of the mess, if that makes sense. So I like the order that you did it in.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, me too. And I think sometimes I feel guilty for just having fun and just living life. Stop it. It's like, nah, I'm not gonna allow that. And I'm glad that because I, you know, we had this conversation. I'm glad you pushed me to just do it anyway because yeah, like that needed to be done. I have no regrets.
SPEAKER_02You were like putting it off and putting it off and putting it out. Yeah, if you don't go to the city.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna just go.
SPEAKER_02I'm I'm gonna go and drag it with me.
SPEAKER_04Come on now, I'll just take my place.
SPEAKER_02Taylor would have loved it to have myself a dragon with me. You were still there, trust me.
SPEAKER_04I'm not going by myself. Okay, well, but we made it happen, so I'm I'm grateful. Period.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I'm so happy. I can't wait to like all the memories, just this summer alone. Like, I'm not even talking about going into the fall, to the winter. I'm literally talking about June, July, August. Tomorrow. Exactly. Period. Well, love to see it. I low-key have like two highs this week, too.
SPEAKER_04Let's do it.
SPEAKER_02Okay, period. I think both of my highs revolve around the same thing, but I got a lot of family time in this past week, which has been really fun. One thing is that my dad, he actually plays softball, he plays in like a senior softball league, which is so fun. It like brings me so much joy to go out and like support the guys and everything. And they're like getting used to having us there too. So they're always like they're looking for y'all. Yeah, they'd be looking for us. It's me and my sister who always go and they're um always like giving us chance. And one of the dudes he's like, Oh, you're my singing buddy, but he's keep singing prints. And I told him, You got you gotta stop singing the prints. You gotta hit me with the Michael Jackson, you know. Like, if you want me to sing along, MJ girl, I'm an MJ type of girl. I'm sorry. Like, but I cheer for everybody, like, not just his team, but the other teams, because it just makes me happy to see them getting out there and just like having fun, you know. It just I'm like, dad, like I low-key want to join a league, but that's another story for another day because we already know the schedule does not permit me to join no sort of league right now. But I just really enjoy going out there and seeing him. And I always tell him, like, Oh, I'm gonna be back next week. He'd be like, You ain't got nothing else better to do. I'm like, no, this is what I have to do. So yeah, that's fun, and they've been doing really well. I think they're gonna go to like the championship or whatever they call it. He won one of the leagues, and he's actually in three different teams. Three. Wow, yeah. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. He gets active, he gets active. I'm like, sir, I don't know how you do it. Like, I barely make it to the gym. Three days out of the week. You out here on the field running around. But I love it though, because it gives him something to do. So, you know, we're not at home anymore. And you know, it's he's a branching out doing his own thing. So I love it. It's very full circle too, because he used to coach like one of my teams when I was younger, and so now to see him playing on his own, because you know, I never got to see him play as a child, so cool. Yeah, and then also I did a picnic with my sisters with Callie. You guys have heard of Callie, the matcha matcha mama, and then Ryan, my little sister, and then Trinity, uh, my sister as well. We all did a picnic, and we were supposed to go to Piedmont Park, but we ended up going to West Side Park, and I don't even think it's called West Side Park anymore. When it was first constructed, it was called West Side Park, but I think they changed it to like Sydney Clark or something like that. But it's over here, about like maybe 10 minutes away from my house, and you could still see the outline of the city, but it's a little bit further removed, it's not in the heat of everything, and it ended up just being such a beautiful day. You probably have been, to be honest. It's close to you, too. Okay. Um, on like going towards outside of town. Um, but y'all, it was such a beautiful day. It was supposed to rain, like we were having backup plans. But when I tell you, like we set up shop like right under this tree, it was the perfect shade. And as soon as we got there, we looked up in the sky and it was a heart cloud.
SPEAKER_04I saw one of you post it on your story. I think multiple.
SPEAKER_02We all didn't know we were oh my god, I was gonna talk you. It was so cute, it was like so like it was perfect timing, it was just perfect everything, and it was just a beautiful day. And just spending time in nature, I think I really needed that. Like, I think I was feeling very ungrounded, like I was kind of feeling all over the place, mentally, physically, all these things, and literally my wellness because she said, You need to, you need to go on a walk, you need to go on a hike, you need to go touch grass, you need to quite literally say, You need to touch grass. That's what you did. And I said, Okay, I'm gonna do that. Yeah, and we already had the picnic plan, so I was like, Okay, well, let's just see. And she was not lying, like it actually helped so much because the day after that, I also went on a walk with Trinity. We walked around her neighborhood for hours just talking, just talking, and just being outside. And I was like, Yeah, that's what I needed. And so that was really nice to just be with them, first of all, being with family, and then also being outside in nature because you know we work all the time, and I work from home, so I really don't get out much for real anymore, besides social plans, but even like when we plan to do something, it's going somewhere and be inside. So I'm definitely gonna make more of an effort this summer to be outside, but in a tasteful way, because I don't like outside outside, I like acute outside and like the nature connecting to earth. Exactly, exactly. So, yeah, that was my highs. And those are some really good highs. Yeah, me too.
SPEAKER_04All right, so these lows. All right, my low was just again, it was such a good week that I'm like, it's kind of hard at this point to pick one. Yeah, but I do think, and it's similar to something that we've said before, is when there's a lot of good things going on, but your routine changes, that can feel like a low. And that's definitely my low. Just like my routine feeling a little bit wonky right now, and not really having a set bedtime, not having like even getting dressed to come film today. I was like, my clothes are everywhere in these bags, I have no idea which bag has which thing. Yeah, um, and it just took me so long to get ready today, and I don't feel settled. I don't like that feeling. Yeah, and I am doing a better job at not being settled now because I've accepted that about myself, but it still just doesn't feel the best to not just be in like a routine and it's a well-oiled machine. We're not there yet. So I think that's my low, is it's kind of still just remnants of what I said last week of just like change and getting used to new routines. I would still say that's kind of a low, and like it's also been a low for my cat.
SPEAKER_02I was so expecting you to start talking about Arya, my girl.
SPEAKER_04I know I threw it in there a little bit, but it is, and I I'm a mom, so it's like I feel what she feels. And she yesterday was such a stressful day for her because um I was telling you it feels like we crammed in every last thing that she hates in one day, like down to she has a hiding spot. I'll just go in order. So the first thing was she has a hiding spot in my couch because she's clawed a hole and can climb in there. And so I know when she's in there or whatever, but in this moving process, I just kind of forgot to think like, oh, maybe she's in the couch. I thought she was somewhere else. So they get to move in this couch, and you just hear her in there, just like yelping, like obviously out of distress and fear. And it's just men around that she doesn't know. She's a shyer cat, she's not like the friendly cats that just want to be around everyone all the time. It takes a minute to warm up. So I just know that's stressful for her, not only because she doesn't know these people, but then the couch is actively moving. And now I'm going up in there to try to get her out, but she doesn't want to come out because she's scared. So it just felt like I was forcing her to do something she don't want to do. Then we have to actually move. And when I was moving her into this new apartment, like she I think the day was just so much noise, so much stress. She hadn't had the opportunity to properly use the bathroom, so then she like used the bathroom a little bit on herself. It wasn't a lot, but now I have to give her a bath, you know? So I had to give her a bath, and that was a whole nother thing. Like, I have some battle scars because she was kind of clinging to me, not trying to get in the water, and her nails kind of sunk into me. It was just like a lot, and I feel so bad because I wouldn't want her first introduction to the apartment to be like get in this bath, you know. But that's not a good introduction, but um, she's just been kind of hiding ever since, and I know she'll be fine, like that's just what cats do in a new environment. They hide, they'll come out when they want. But just in the back of my mind, like even now, I'm just like, I just hope she's okay. I wonder what she's doing. I I put food out for her, I want her to come out and eat, and just I want us to get back into our routine because that's like my buddy. Like, we wake up together, we go to bed together, she's following me around all day. So I was just getting the apartment together yesterday, and it's just so many boxes and so much clutter, and then she's like back in the couch hiding. Like, it doesn't feel like I'm settled yet, you know. So I can't wait until she's more comfortable, I'm more comfortable, and we're all more comfortable, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that definitely makes sense. Yeah, well, it's only a matter of time and it'll come together. Yeah, forward to Ari being able to roam. Exactly. She'll she'll warm up to it eventually. Yeah, the bath was crazy. I know.
SPEAKER_04I I gotta give her like a lot of treats when she finally comes out because I'm just like, girl, I know that today was just I'm sorry, Pookie. You don't know what's going on. I have no way to really tell her what's going on, but yeah, yeah, just gotta give it time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, 100%. Well, my low. That was a really deep breath, but I had to like I had to get in there. Woosa. My low is just like I really don't feel like I've been feeling like my best self lately. Like, I feel like there's a lot of things that I haven't really been executing the best on. And I guess that kind of ties into what we talked about last episode with achievement and feeling like I always have to be doing something. Maybe it was just like a season of rest, but I'm just feeling like I want to just get back to feeling like myself. I want to get back to feeling happy in my body and my physical and things of that nature, and so that's what I'm working on right now. That was a low for me, and that's kind of what I was talking to a set about, which is why she told me that I needed to go ground myself and really see what exactly like I'm wanting, besides just like not having a consistent gym routine, not having a consistent morning routine. Like, what is it do you feel like you're truly lacking right now? And that has just like been a little bit of a low. That's something that I've been working through. It's a gradual process, it's not anything that feels like it's just changed overnight. I feel like it's something I'm still kind of working through, but it's more so just about finding ways to love myself regardless of how I look or um you know how many times I went to the gym this week because that's not what it's about, and so yeah, that's been a bit of a low for me, and I really can't say anything else about it because I'm still working through it, so it'll be a high maybe in December, but right now that's where we at. And it's just times have changed. It's crazy how much your environment, not even your environment, but just things that external influences can change everything as far as jobs and um just how much my life has changed in general in the past year. It's just it's a lot to wrap my mind around, and it affects like literally everything. Like it affects my consistency with sleep, it affects my consistency with a morning routine, and so I'm just really just trying to find a really good healthy balance in order to be able to not only balance everything but just feel good about where I'm at in general.
SPEAKER_04So I will say it's just like sometimes life is not about the routine looks right as much as we want it to, as much as we want it to be that way. Sometimes life is genuinely about learning how to dance in the rain, learning how to just embrace the chaos because I don't even want to like turn this into I'm being your life coach, but you know, I just no, I love when you're my life coach.
SPEAKER_02I literally do. Tell talk to me, girl. Let me talk to me. Let me walk you out. Walk me out, sister. Walk me out. I need all the walking out I can get right now.
SPEAKER_04No, it's just because like I I can get that way too. Yeah, you know, so I sometimes I feel like I'm talking to you and I'm also talking to myself. No real you know what I mean. Yeah, but it's like I feel how you feel, I know exactly how you feel, and yeah, you don't want to get caught up in if I'm not achieving by certain metrics, it's not enough. If there's a season where it's more restful, I can't truly just sit in that and accept it. And sometimes you're just not gonna feel like yourself, but that's how you start to return to yourself because you're gonna learn something from this. Yeah. If you always felt like yourself, where would there be any adversity, anything to like learn from? You know what I mean? So just try as much as you can to just embrace even being confused because that's still part of the experience. You can't have a good without the confusion, without the the the times you didn't know. There is just there's no one's life, it just looks always put together in routines. Yeah, it's about more than that. So I'm glad that your wellness coach was like, Okay, but let's go deeper than just I'm missing the gym. Yeah, you know, because it's not about okay, even if you just hit the gym, you could be in the gym consistently, but something would probably still be missing. Yeah, so it's good that you're listening to yourself. But yeah, that's all I'll say, girl. Because I'm not gonna- No, you're good, but you're good, I feel you there.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I definitely think it was just with how much everything has changed. I started pouring so much into everything and everybody else that I kind of stopped with myself. Because you know how sometimes you get to a point in life where like, oh, okay, this is good. I don't need to focus on this right now. And then you come back to it and you're like, oh dang, like, why did I stop pouring into that bucket? Like, that still needs to be filled too. And that bucket is me. And I feel like I just kind of stopped pouring into myself because it was like, Okay, you're good. Now it's time to pour into other people. Yeah, and I think finding that balance between both it's just been a real yeah. The dance has not been nice. A little seesaw. I'm trying to trying to balance it out.
unknownSo
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that is that's my low. Hopefully it'll turn into a high pretty soon. Oh, I also wanted to say, um, Jack, my dog is doing much better. Yeah. We need to get update. Yes, yes. I wanted to say that because I was listening to a past episode. I was like, I never gave these folks an update on Jack. They probably wondering if he died or something. He is good. He is so much better. Yes, that's also a high. Speaking of family time, I guess. But yeah, he is so much better. So much better. That surgery was 100% necessary. He is feeling like himself again. He's playing. He's got the zoomies. Like he is doing the freaking most. But I am so excited. Ryan, my sister, has been holding on to him for the past couple weeks, but he gets to come home. He just come home and he'll make appearances in our pocket. Yeah, he will. He'll just like his little head will pop up every now and then. Yeah. So I miss him though. I do miss him. But I needed a break after his surgery because he was like all that medicine and everything, like it was getting to be a lot. And I was like, y'all, it takes a village. I need a villager to come help me out. Yeah. Because mama's getting stressed. But I do miss my little man. Yeah, I miss my little man. So I can't wait to see him again. But he's doing so much better. So happy to hear that. Yes, amen. But all right. Amen.
SPEAKER_04Amen. Well, let's roll on into the black-owned business of the week. Yes, ma'am. This week I'm gonna pull up my phone because I like to get the details correct. Get it, girl. But this week, I'm very excited to shout out Blabba Social. Yeah. Um, and Blabba Social is a is a social media agency by none other than Kayla. Yeah, Miss Miami! So um Blabba Social is a social media agency, and you can find them on all platforms like Instagram. Time out. I don't think all of them. Okay. You can find them on Instagram at Blabba Social, and their website is blabosocial.com. But yes, it was founded by Kayla as a way to help businesses with their marketing, with their social media, and I think it's so fitting for her because we first of all went to school for PR and advertising. Um, but I saw firsthand when we were students how good all of her ideas were. She's just such a creative person and has the personality to make something, bring something to life. So seeing that she started her own agency, it was just so fitting to me. It was like, duh. Um she just kind of is naturally good at that. But she works with the likes of nonprofits, um, women-led businesses, research consultancies, and she wanted to start Blabba Social because she saw that many businesses uh don't know how to market themselves, or if even if they do, they just don't have the time. And so she wanted to be the team that helps them build an online presence and drives a conversation and results. And I feel like, again, she is exceptional at communication, at strategy, at execution. Um, she has a really big bubbly personality, which I think translates really well as your social media kind of like agent in the background because you know what it takes to uh again bring a concept to life and make it compelling. So, shout out to Blabba Social. Um, again, find them on their Instagram at Blabba Social and all the best to Kayla. And I'm just so proud to see the work that she's doing because I always knew since the day I met her that she was brilliant.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and that's Blabba with two Bs, right?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, Blabba B-L-A-B-B-A.
SPEAKER_02B B A.
SPEAKER_04Social. Social.
SPEAKER_02And I love that name. Me too. Like it just is so fitting. Yeah. I feel like she's like everything about her business just feels so perfect for her. It feels very aligned.
SPEAKER_04It does. And she's based in Miami and will be having a launch party for her business soon. Oh, that's so you're in Miami. Turn it up another notch. Turn another notch, go turn up at that launch. Oh my god! Turn up a notch on the launch. I'm sure she'll post soon more details, but yeah, yeah. I just I'm excited to see where it goes because um, again, just a phenomenal business, a phenomenal person behind the business, and onward and upward.
SPEAKER_02Extreme creative too. She was gonna get you right, yeah.
SPEAKER_04And even herself, like even her own socials, she creates content, and a lot of it is surrounding hair, black hair care, um, just life in Miami. Like, she's just a fun person to follow. So I would also follow her as well. Yeah, a little bit.
SPEAKER_02I'm just plugging my friend, everything is linked in the description. So check her out.
SPEAKER_04Check her out. Um, she would love to have you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Kayla Girl.
SPEAKER_04Oh, she got a seat on the podcast. We can interview her about some stuff.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. Oh god.
SPEAKER_04It's coming. Yeah, it's coming. Once we get this this guest situation together and we figure all that out, she's coming.
SPEAKER_02Come to come to ATL, or we could go to Miami, actually. Never mind. Let's go to Miami. Never mind.
SPEAKER_04When I was there, she was like, um, because she was saying, Okay, okay, I can come visit you in Atlanta because when we were talking about doing an annual tradition, but I was like so set on me going to Miami, she was like, I hate this because everyone always just wants to come to me. They don't want me to come to them. I'm like, well, girl, because you live in Miami. We live in Miami, baby. Like I mean, Atlanta, but we're trying to go to the beach, like the beach for us is like a five-hour drive to like a good beach.
SPEAKER_02Like, yeah, I might as well just take that little two-hour flight, you know. I'm gonna come to you, but you you could come to us too, but just knowing the same year, we're still gonna come to my like that's a non-negotiable for me, exactly.
SPEAKER_04All right, are we gonna go ahead and and get into our topic of the week?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, let's go ahead and get into it.
SPEAKER_04So, this week's topic is all about jealousy, it is all about envy, jealousy, envy, jealousy, envy, and too much of this out on me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, oh, it's probably Drake. It is probably Drake, let's be honest.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I was like, okay, is she is she's right now? But yeah, but we wanted to have this conversation because in a couple of our past videos, we've kind of touched on jealousy a little bit, um, and we were like, why not make it an entire episode? Because we've had conversations about this emotion by like to ourselves a couple times, and I think it's one that doesn't happen enough, but it's so important. So um jealousy is it almost seems like it's an emotion that people are less likely to admit to. Like it's okay to say I'm happy, I'm I'm sad, I'm sleepy, I'm frustrated, I'm tired. But jealousy is almost like we dance around it, you know, and even if you do say something, you kind of keep it media trains. And it's like, why is there this we're dancing around it, or maybe there's shame around this particular emotion? And it's kind of obvious why. I mean, it wasn't like the best emotion to have growing up. Like if you were jealous of like, let's say like your friend got a cookie or she got a toy for Christmas that you wanted, your parents would be like, No, you shouldn't be shouldn't be jealous of that, or like you should be grateful for what you have. So it's kind of like this internal shame of okay, I don't want to seem like I'm not grateful, or I don't want to make someone feel weird that like I'm looking at what they got and I'm feeling a waste. It's understandable why that emotion is maybe not as talked about as the rest, but whatever feelings come up for you when you think of the word jealous, um, we also thought it might be a good idea to define the word. Yes. Um, and also define envy because those two are used interchangeably, but they actually have different meanings, which kind of blew our minds a little bit because we were like, oh wow, maybe we've been using the wrong word this entire time.
SPEAKER_02Exactly.
SPEAKER_04So jealousy is more like you are afraid of losing something to someone else. So a good example is you are in a relationship with someone or you have a friend, some third party comes in and you feel like, oh no, they might steal my partner, oh no, they might take my friend. Um, and it's more rooted in insecurity and fear that you're gonna lose something that you currently possess. So that's jealousy. And then envy is wanting something that someone else has, whether that's something they have like tangibly, whether that's a trait that they have, literally anything you see it and you wish you had that. And I think a lot of times when I'm talking about jealousy, I'm literally talking about envy because I understand the jealousy example, but most times when I think of jealous, I'm just thinking of somebody having something that I want, and how do I deal with that if I don't currently have it in the moment and I'm feeling all of these feelings, which is technically envy. So that's the breakdown. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm curious in the comments. Like, I know y'all can't really contribute to the conversation here in this moment on your perception or your takeaway from the breakdown, too, because I feel like for me, that was a little bit of a shock almost, or just like a step back moment to be like, hmm, why do we see jealousy as envy and envy as jealousy? Is it a word? Is it like is envy one of those words that is almost like a trigger word that nobody wants? Like, jealousy is like something that people throw around a lot more often than envy. And that's what I was saying. Like, maybe it's because envy is listed as one of the seven deadly sins. So people are scared to admit to something like that, especially from a religious standpoint, when really it is envy and not jealousy.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, so because even saying envy just sounds more insidious to me at all. Exactly. Like, oh, why would you be that? It sounds like I'm out to get someone, right? Exactly.
SPEAKER_02When that's jealousy, not necessarily the case, exactly.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, jealousy sounds more like, oh yeah, jealousy.
SPEAKER_02She's just jealous, yeah. Like, you know, people throw that word around so often.
SPEAKER_04But yeah, it's it's really kind of flipped. Yeah. So interesting. It's kind of hard. I was like, are we gonna try to use it? That's what I'm saying. We're gonna talk about jealousy, we're talking about jealousy, and then we sat down and look at the niche was like, Oh, so we're talking about it.
SPEAKER_02So we're talking about envy.
SPEAKER_04Right? Exactly. I mean, it's at the end of the day, a word is word, yeah. But really, what we're talking about is the emotion, yeah. So whether we say jealousy, whether we say envy, because at this point they really are used so interchangeably that people kind of know what you mean. It's really uncovering everything that comes with the emotions that you feel because you feel no matter what the term is, you know. Yeah, I guess we can just talk about how jealousy has come up for us and why we thought it was important to talk about. Yeah. Um, and I don't know if you had anything that you wanted to lead with. I kind of don't. I just yeah, I'm low-key seeing where this conversation is. Yeah, like I don't even know where we where we start.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because this is like a tricky one to start with, but I mean, this is a conversation that's a hundred percent needed, especially for people around our age. I feel like 20s in general, like this is a great conversation. I think like the first couple pings of jealousy. I when I'm talking about jealousy now, I'm more so talking about jealousy that now you have control over. Because when I was in middle school, when I was in high school and I was jealous of people, I really couldn't control my situation as much as I can now. Like, I might be jealous of the type of car that they drive, but I'm also 16 years old and my parents are helping put me through school. Like, why would they buy me a brand new BMW X3? You know, so it's like there's like limits to this. But now when I was more so speaking of jealousy, I'm more so speaking from college onward. I'm not really speaking about past life jealousy anymore because that's the type of jealousy or envy that we necessarily didn't have control over because we can't really have that sort of control in our environment at that point in time. That's true. So I think maybe from I think it's harder nowadays too. Like we when we went to school, like when we were in college, like I don't feel like there was as many like college content creators as there is now.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, content creation has definitely changed a lot.
SPEAKER_02And so imagine like being in school now and seeing like all these content creators in college still making content, going to school, having a morning routine, a night routine, a gym routine, you know, eating healthy, all these things, and like yeah, like I would feel jealousy about that if I was, you know, still in college and because that wasn't my routine at all.
SPEAKER_04Grandma get out of bed, put on some clothes, maybe. Morning routine, night routine, but what I would get back from like hanging out with my friends at the club, yeah, at like four in the morning, four in the morning, full face of makeup, flop on the bed. Yeah, then I would have like ordered some like door dashed some McDonald's, but like it never gave, yeah, but that's what it was for for me, you know. So were there some days that were more structured, yes, but also every day would was not a curated experience. Yeah, I was just 18 years old living life, yeah, very true.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's very let's talk about from my current perspective. I can give you one of the first situations where I ever felt no, this is not the first, but like one of the most recent situations where I felt jealousy or envy um had to do around like content creation, though. Like, since we're on the subject, I remember seeing one of the people that I know hit like 50k, 100k or something on one of the social platforms, and something inside me literally just like went crazy. Like I literally like teared up out of anger because I was upset that it like almost wasn't me. I was definitely feeling envy because it's not jealousy, it's envy, and I immediately texted my boyfriend, and I was like, I can't believe this. Like, this is like making me so upset right now. And he was just like, Why? Like, why is this making you upset? Like, if it's possible for her, it's possible for you too. And I was just like, you know how sometimes we're not trying to hear you.
SPEAKER_04You know what the truth is, but you're not trying to hear that. I'm not trying to hear that.
SPEAKER_02I just want to feel how I just wanted to feel upset and I wanted to feel angry, but I mean, honestly, he put stuff into perspective though, because then I took a step back and I really assessed, like, well, I mean, she has been putting in the work, she's been posting consistently, she's been doing this for years. You post every now and then, and you're not seeing the results you want to see because of the inconsistency. And so that was like really like almost a trigger for me to like get on my Zoom and start putting in the work to see the results that I want to see. And he was right, like, if you know, that means God is in the neighborhood, basically, like He's blessing the people around you. It's closed, you just have to put in the work to be able to see the results that you want to see in that aspect, and so instead of you know being because I feel like sometimes you get jealous or envious of a person and then you start being negative towards them, yeah.
SPEAKER_04You start acting weird, yeah. And that's what unfortunately happens for a lot of people, yeah, because you don't know what to do with that emotion, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, mine was definitely anger, yeah, but it wasn't towards her though, it wasn't like I was angry at her because, like I said, I took a step back and I could acknowledge all the work that she put in to get to where she was at. I think it was more so anger at myself. That anger was redirected towards me because I know that if I put in that work and if I do the same thing, that I can get that result as well. But something in me was not willing or ready to admit that yet, or to even own up to the fact that I wasn't putting in the work, and so that was difficult. But that gave me the fuel that I needed under my butt to go ahead and get that started and get that done. And I think that's like the next year is when I was like, okay, I'm gonna be consistent on YouTube, and then I'm gonna start doing this, and I'm gonna start doing that, and just things started unfolding in that way. But that was one, that was definitely one when it came to content creation, and I think another really big one is girl, we keep talking about money, but that is another one, like truthfully, and I'm just gonna keep it plain, straight, right out there. Like, I just think that, especially post-grad, yo, the envy was going crazy, especially around people who either had jobs right out of post-grad or were actually like interviewing and doing stuff. Like, I remember even going for like a waitressing job, and they never called me back. And I'm like, I'm waitressed before, I'm very qualified. Yeah, like overly qualified. I'm overly qualified like what is going on right now? Like, it was just so much girl. Like, I just was feeling so like what is going on? I was mad at the world, but yeah, I think that's especially when it came to finances. That's not something that I could really solve though, until I started making money. I had to sit in that emotion for so long, but it was it got to a point where I was tired of sitting in that though. Like, what do you do when you're tired of sitting in that? Where do you go? I don't know.
SPEAKER_04I think sometimes you do have to just sit in it though. Like, it's so nice to think there would be a quick fix. Yeah, but that's instant gratification is is not what you should always be chasing. Yeah, that's so true. If like really rarely you should be chasing things that are just you just get instant gratification. I think there is no better way to go through it than through it. Yeah, so it's like, yeah, you had to sit with that. I had to feel it because you wouldn't be who you are today if you didn't.
SPEAKER_02True, very true. Yeah, yeah. I'm really just now getting out on the other side. I feel you, it is what it is. Yes, girl. What about you? Do you have like any instances?
SPEAKER_04Oh, for sure. I'm trying to think of like if we're talking like a couple of first experiences that are more recent, like in young adulthood. Um, I would say I've had envy around things that I really couldn't control, even as an adult. Like, I know we talked about like, okay, when you're a kid, like, what are you gonna do? But even now, I think that I'm okay in my life when I can control it because I personally feel capable of doing whatever I put my mind to, and I think it's because my mom um used to always say, like, my mom is like, she's a Leo and she's super confident, and I think that kind of it was instilled in me, but she would just be like, if someone's doing it, I can do it. So I think I've always just had that mentality that if I didn't get something, it's because I just didn't apply myself. Like it wasn't because I couldn't do it, it's just that if I'm not good at math, it's because I'm not trying to be good at math. I just don't care enough. Like, I'm not the type to be like, Oh, I really can't. So I'm not sure if I have felt envy around really anything else but things that deal with other people. And one big one is a relationship. I felt relationship envy for a long time because that involves someone else. Yeah, and you really can't control when you're gonna meet somebody that you're compatible with. Yeah, but you have to watch everybody else. Well, it's it seems like that's what it seems like when you're single. It's not everyone else, it's plenty of people who are relationships, plenty of people who are single, but it starts to feel like, especially when you look at your immediate circle, because I really don't care what everyone else is doing, it's more so the people I grew up with were hitting milestones that I felt like I wasn't. And some days I would be like, Okay, well, I'm doing me. And then other days I would be more like, Am I supposed to die alone? Like, is it me? Am I the problem? Like you would start to internalize things, and then I've kind of touched on it briefly, like I think in our episode about setbacks, but having dating experiences that just weren't for me, yeah, and then continuing to internalize a narrative of like this isn't working out for me while I'm watching other people actively get chosen. Yeah, actively like it all felt look it just looked effortless from the outside, and I'm like, but whenever I try, I feel like I'm always having to learn a lesson. Like, why do I keep having to learn lessons? And for me, that one was hard because if I like you said, if I'm not on my Zoom, if I want a job and I can't get it, okay, this sucks, but I know I can just start going harder. If I want the certain body, I'm envious of someone who is more toned. Get up and and go to the gym. Yeah, um, if you you can say you don't apply that to anything, right? But in a relationship, you want to be in a relationship. Well, get up and go find a man. Well, first of all, yeah, it's a little bit hard. Have you have you met men?
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_04Have you met men? Like you can't, you don't just go out on the street and you can find a man. Oh, you just gonna be a good one.
SPEAKER_02Is it gonna be one you're compatible with?
SPEAKER_04No, maybe not. It's not, and I think that finding a partner, finding love is it's as much as it is okay, when you are better, you attract better. It's also a game of luck. And I just never really liked that it was out of my control. I think that's just what made me uncomfortable. And then again, looking around, you start feeling behind. And I think I started to feel that in high school because that's when people really were getting into like relationships that were like, okay, this is a relationship. Like in middle school, you know. Girl. Yeah, it was like, okay. But high school, it started to feel a little bit more serious. And then college, a little bit even more serious. And I was pretty much single, like for all of that. So I would go back and forth between being like, I love being single to hmm, like, why though, if I wanted to be in a relationship, does this feel so hard for me to do? While for everyone else, it doesn't appear that way. And I don't really know how I got out of that. Like, I think it bothered me a little bit more when I was in college. But I did get to a point where I just kind of knew that I just had to trust. I started to trust more that if I was supposed to be in a relationship, that I would, but I made a promise to myself that I'm not going to waste my life waiting around for somebody. Like, what is the point of being young and beautiful if not to go and have fun? And I did have a lot of fun. And it got to a point where I was like, whoever comes into my life is competing with how much fun I have by myself. Yeah. And if you don't make me feel better than I do when I'm by myself, I don't want you. And I think it kind of switched from I guess the lacking part, which kind of speaks to jealousy, because that was the definition of like you feel like you're lacking something, but it switched my mindset from I feel like I'm lacking something versus I got to be picky. I got to be choosy. Like, no, I'm not lacking anything. I'm a whole person. And if I meet someone and they match the picture, cool. And I think it just allowed me not to be approaching dating from such a I wouldn't say I was ever desperate, but just somewhere in the back of my mind, I was like, I hope this works out. I hope he's the one. When it's like you never you never have to go into any scenario feeling that way. Instead, it's like I'm showing up to the date, like he better hope I like him. And it just made it more fun to even be dating in the first place. It made it okay for it to roll off easier because I just had a different mindset. But I think I'm the most envious of things that are I feel like are out of my control. And that's probably been a huge one, and probably one of the first that I've felt in my young adulthood. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I feel like there's so much that is out of our control, too, especially when it comes to timelines, and that is very frustrating.
SPEAKER_04It's like how you can't control the timeline. Like you can say what you want, and then you manifest that laughs in your face and goes nabu. Like that wasn't how your story was supposed to play out. And it usually does work out for the best, but when you're in the moment, it doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel like it. Like I used to like call my dad or my mom, and I would just be like, Oh, like, you know, like if my dating life looks a mess, like it's kind of non-existent, or there's this guy, but it's just not giving, or whatever. And they would always just be like, when it when it comes, it comes. You're like, you tell your friends, and they'd be like, Well, it it sounds corny, but is it happens when you least expect? You'd be like, Shut up. Like, if I have to hear one more time, yeah, it's gonna happen when you least expect. It starts to feel just like annoying, like you don't want to hear that. Yeah, but it did happen when it was supposed to happen. So it's like I had to just learn how to trust that I'm where I'm supposed to be at, but it just wasn't easy when you look around and you see other people in relationships and you feel like wow, like why not me?
SPEAKER_02You know? Well, that made me think about something too. Um because another form of envy that I feel like I have experienced has been career envy. And I feel like relationship envy is different because that is not something that you can control. Because there is a lot of things that happen in life when it comes to relationships, when it comes to what did I say in the beginning? Um, I was talking about content creation, so I guess that is kind of career, because that could be some people's career. But what about the envy that you can control? Because there has to be a differentiation between when you're experiencing jealousy on something that you cannot control, what do you do with that? How do you sit in that and how do you move forward? And then when you're experiencing jealousy or envy in situations that you can control and aspects of your life that you can't control, you can control your career, you can control your finances, obviously, to an extent, right? Like, you don't have complete control because anything could happen, especially like I say this all the time like even when you're an entrepreneur, like something could happen tomorrow, a shipment gets messed up, or your clients, like, oh, I can't afford you anymore. If you're working out of five, and all of a sudden you're you're getting furloughed, you're getting laid off, and you didn't do anything wrong, you know. So there's yeah, you can't really control that, but you can control how hard you work. But with dating and relationships, it's not like I went on 10 dates this week, you know. Like, yeah, it gets to a point where it's almost now that's coming off as a little desperate in a way, because it's like, are you going to find love or are you like, what are you chasing here? Yeah. Because you know, we say affirmations all the time, I don't chase, I attract. And that was something that kind of made me because when I said the thing about manifesting, I literally was listening to something this morning, and she was saying, You don't manifest a man, you don't manifest a career, you don't manifest a house, you manifest becoming the woman who has all those things, right? And so it's just a tricky little dance you play, right? Like on the things that you cannot control, how do you manage those emotions that come with it and the interim between you getting what you want, especially when it comes to relationships? Because I think relationships is a huge one. I think it's something that a lot of women experience that we don't really talk about, obviously, because that's gonna make us look bad, right? Or I mean, some people do talk about it and they got podcasts about it, and they be talking mad sugar honey iced tea, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_04So yeah, I I think relationships are huge. Um, and not even it doesn't stop it when you get in a relationship, then you're comparing every aspect of your relationship. Let's let's talk about it. Exactly. It almost feels competitive. I think we've lost the plot with dating, and it's no longer about um, does this person fulfill you? It's sometimes you can tell it's more about who does more for who. What what do we look like outwardly? Yeah, which was always unappealing to me as well. Like, I I don't know. I think that's a whole different conversation, it's a whole different episode. But yeah, I I I'm trying to think of like an answer for what do you do when you can't control it. And I think it's just for me focusing on the controllable, yeah. Like I knew that I just had to manage me and fix my mindset. And it just helped to remember that the grass is greener where I water it. Yeah, like I had to drill that into my head and know that I truly don't think I want anyone else's life. I don't think I want anyone else's relationship. I just want my life to feel how I want it to feel. How can we do that? When I started to think about what I felt like I was lacking by not having a relationship, because that was just kind of like the okay, I'm starting to like feel maybe I should be at this point. I'm seeing everyone else in a relationship. But what exactly underneath did I feel like I was missing? And when I started to dig a little deeper, it was really just being understood, being seen, feeling loved. Yeah, like just basic things that you get more in a romantic relationship because it's the most intimate thing. But I was like, you can literally find that in so many other avenues. So I just started to pour more into self-love, friendship love, fan familial love, and uh it made me feel better. And it was like I didn't, I could just only control uh what I could control. And then when someone else comes along, sure, but I had to just remind myself envy tries to trick you into thinking that someone else's situation is better than yours, right? When you don't know, okay, maybe on paper it is, but also you just never know. You really never know, and it is genuinely only the best when you pour into yourself in your situation, yeah. You know, so there's really no easy way around it, there's no snap of the fingers, and you get what you want. You just have to do the inner work, the hard work, and it's hard. It's like this is not a struggle that anybody saw me go through. Yeah, you know, I've I felt envy in more aspects of my life than relationships. I think that one just came to mind because that was just the most uncontrollable to me.
SPEAKER_02It is very uncontrollable, and I think that, like I said, that's a really, really good point about the uncontrollable envy that you feel in aspects of your life versus the the controllables. The controllables, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Because even that one, trying to think of a good example. I think just applying myself just in life, um, because yeah, there will be times where um, let's say like at the end of the year in school, they give out awards, and it's like, oh, she's like the most um, she's the most, I don't know, they make up awards based on the class, but like the most studious, the most this, the most that. And it's like, wait, why didn't I get that? Like, you know, it's like I've I'll be studying, I think. But then if I really sit and think, it's like, okay, first of all, you might have, and maybe they just chose her. Just because someone else gets something doesn't mean that you are somehow now lacking. Yeah, their blessing has nothing to do with you, yeah. But then also sometimes you just gotta be real with yourself. I actually didn't apply myself as hard as she exactly. What am I gonna am I gonna say?
SPEAKER_02I didn't ask for help when I know I needed or am I gonna, yeah, I didn't make myself visible when it comes to career. You know, there's a lot of things that you could lean into to help you feel a lot more control over your situation, and let's be clear like we say control, but you never really have control over anything.
SPEAKER_01That's true.
SPEAKER_02Everything nothing is really up to you at the end of the day, as much as we want it to be. That's just not the case. But yeah, I do think um when it comes to sitting in it and working through it, I think the first thing is acknowledging what you're feeling, right? You're feeling that jealousy, you're feeling that envy. Then the second question is why? Why, what's what is the gap right there? Why am I feeling so envious of this relationship? Why am I feeling so envious of this person's career milestone? Why am I feeling so envious of this person's outfit? You know, it could be something as little as outfit or hair or lashes or something like that. It could be anything, but then once you acknowledge that, why see if there is some sort of way you can fill that gap, you know? And for example, if it's someone's body, right? Somebody has this banging body, you're just so envious of her because she just has the ab lines. Okay, what are you doing in your daily life to help you support getting something like that? Now, let's let's also be real. Like, I had to come to the realization that the ideal body type that might be ideal for beauty standards, probably it's not my body type. And then so I think then for me, I had to put in categories, okay, what is my ideal body type, not what the US beauty standards are, not what the you know, what the current rap beauty standards are. Like, what can I actually achieve in my real life that I'm living in this lifetime? And uh, I'm not talking about through surgery or anything, I'm talking about through daily actions that are gonna help me to achieve my goals. And so then I felt like it was like bridging the gap. Okay, so now how can I bridge what I'm currently doing to what that person could be doing? Like if that person, you look at their routine, you observe their habits, you see exactly where they're coming from. Maybe that person is in the gym five times out of the week, they have a really good meal plan, and so on and so forth. Okay, what can I commit to commit to that's gonna help me get closer to that goal? Which could be maybe starting to get you might be at 5k steps a day. Okay, let me try and get 7k steps a day now. Let me try and stop eating out. You know, I'm not gonna do a whole, you know, overnight change my life and get in the gym five times a week, 10,000 steps a day, meal prep, da da da da. Okay, what are the small steps that I can take to start becoming that person that's gonna bridge the gap between where I am now and where I want to be so that I'm not envious of that person, I'm actually embodying who that person is.
SPEAKER_04Exactly.
SPEAKER_02That's exactly what I was about to say.
SPEAKER_04It's like the envy kind of melts away when you do that because it's you're more in community with what you were just envying. Like there is no more to envy. There's just now, like, for example, with the content creation example, right? It's like you would see her reach whatever milestone, and you would feel more like, yeah, girl, like we're doing this. Because it's no longer just like a well, I'm on the sidelines, I'm not doing what I should do, and I'm watching everybody else achieve something. Same thing with the body type. It's like if you're envious of a certain body or just like not even the physique itself, but just the fact that they're toned, whatever that looks like, and you want your body to be toned, there might be a disconnect, but let's say you actually like prioritize that, then you would feel more like a fit person. So there's not really much to envy there anymore because you are now that. Yeah. And it's because you you took what you were feeling and then made it a positive experience for yourself rather than like sitting in just that. I don't want I don't want to call it negative because it's not negative, but sitting in it long enough to where it becomes negative, to where now you're just hating. Because we all have people in our lives that and they tend to be older, that you can just tell they are just so stuck in their ways of hating on whatever you have going on. Like you might mention that you're trying to do this, that, and the third, and you hear nothing back but a bunch of projection that you can just tell is all rooted in the fact that they never did anything, they never took a risk, they never did this, so they only have bad things to say to you about what you're about to do next. And that's kind of what you don't want to become over time if you continue to allow those feelings to run unchecked and to feel justified in that. That's typically what it becomes later on in life. Yeah, you become very bitter looking around at everyone else that was able to process those emotions in a healthier way, you know? Yeah, but I think for me, it becomes harder to admit to certain feelings, even to myself, when they coexist with like good feelings or like people that I know, yeah, you know, because it's almost weird. It's like, okay, I'm envious of a certain situation, but this is my friend. Yeah, like what now?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, what do you have that conversation with them? Do you keep that to yourself?
SPEAKER_04It's like I keep it to myself, I would keep it to myself type of a person. I'm trying to be more open because that's something that I've been working through with my therapists, is just like being more vulnerable. She's like, if you say it, what's gonna happen? Like, are they gonna is the world gonna blow up? Are they gonna think, oh my god, this evil girl, she's so evil, we hate her. And I'm like, I actually don't think any of that. I think she was like, just start small. Like, just ask someone that's doing something that you currently want to be doing. Hey girl, how you how how did you do this? Or, you know, girl, I'm like having problems with this in my life. I noticed that you were able to do do do-do-do. Like, can you like because it doesn't always have to be, hey girl, I'm jealous of you. It could just be something like that, where you're opening up the door to one, say that you're struggling with something that you feel like they do well, to what do you think about it? And then it invites a conversation for everyone to feel it's just a healthier way to process it rather than sitting to yourself, you low-key feeling ashamed, you low-key trying to just work through it yourself. You'll probably get through it yourself, but why did you have to? Yeah, but I'm working on it because I just think I'm just wired to just keep a lot to myself. I'm a very private person when it comes to my emotions, like certain emotions that I have. And I'm just such a like, I'll I'll figure it out, like whatever. I'll I'll get it done. So, you know, I'm not the best at telling someone how I feel, but I'll try. I'll have little moments of trying to be like, uh, maybe I'll let someone in and let them know like what I'm insecure about, what I'm not feeling like I'm on par with, you know, and I think it's something that I'm continuing to prioritize because that's the kind of life that I want to have where I don't feel shame around those emotions because they're so human. And it's like I have such a good community of very able and successful and cool friends. Why would I not be tapping into people? Why would I not be asking people what they think? Why would I not be honest? Because anytime that anyone's ever come to me and said anything along the lines of like I can help them with something, I'm jumping up to spring into action and to hear them. So yeah, it's a work in progress.
SPEAKER_02I think that also makes the relationship a lot closer too. Yeah, that'll definitely help because I think the biggest, the best thing in life is like just us supporting each other and uplifting one another. Like, if somebody were to come to me and been like, I'm struggling with this and I see that you do this really well, like I am so quick to just take you by the arm, and now we're doing it together because I want to see both of us win so bad. And if you tell me that that's something, and that's this has been to a fault sometimes because I've seen like people like almost take advantage of that out of me and me giving myself away too much and offering too much help to a point where it's like there have been times where someone's told me they're struggling with this, and I like, for example, like someone told me they were struggling with budgeting. I sat down, I had like an hour and a half long conversation with them. I opened up my budgeting spreadsheet, I made a copy of it, and I like labeled all their bills, all their expenses, how much they were making, how much they wanted to save. And I literally did it all for them and I sent it to them, all for it to go in one ear and out the other. And so it's just it's a very tricky situation because it's like if you come to me, like I am a person that's always, always, always gonna help. But now I have the the boundary of if you ask for it. Because as much as I want to see you win, I I can't just you can't save everybody. I can't. You can lead the horse to the water, but I cannot make that make a drink. I cannot. And so I that's like the the struggle that I've come up with. But if somebody literally came to me and was like, I'm struggling with this, this one I want to do, I'm so quick to take them by the arm and like whoop-de-doop-dee-doo down the street because we're about to, we're about to tackle this together, we're about to figure it out together because I'm definitely not perfect. But if you feel like I'm a good example, okay, well, look, let's be examples together, let's figure it out. Exactly, be more open, and it could lead us to having a closer relationship because now like that opens the door to okay, what are you good at that I can learn from, and so on and so forth.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think it's you know, it's just been a season for me of learning what true relationships are, and I don't just mean romantic, like I mean all of my relationships. Um, I think being in a relationship has helped me to learn that lesson of you become closer and stronger through being vulnerable. Yes, but it's been easier to not be that way and to mask that side of me that is not wanting to show people my imperfections because friendships you can say hey and bye every week. Like, you don't, I'm not going home with you, I'm not up in your face every day. Yeah, even my family, like okay, I'm their daughter, but I'm my own person. They check in, we check out. I don't have to be so, but I think things come up in a relationship that force you to just be more open. And because I've seen that go well in a relationship, it's made my mind open up to why, like, what if I was to be more open with my friends? What if I was to tell them about the things that make me insecure, the things that make me envious? Um, and I think it's just like a journey I'm on right now. I'm getting to a point where being more open about certain emotions and envy and jealousy being one of them is a little bit easier for me, but it's still again a work in progress.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think the biggest thing here is that jealousy and envy are actually one of the biggest catalysts for growth that you can have internally than any external factor. Because when you are experiencing that that jealousy, that envy, that is literally your brain, your your body, like something is out of sync, out of alignment. Because when yours feeling envious, clearly that's something that you want in someone else that you want to see in yourself, and so now it's up to you to bridge the gap on how to align both of those timelines between the highest self, the highest version of you that has that, and the version of you that you are right now. And there's no shame to feel envy or jealousy. That's one of the biggest things that I also wanted to say is like there shouldn't be any shame in that because at the end of the day, like we're human, those are emotions. That's what comes up, especially now that we're on a timeline where we're literally on people's. Timeline, you know, like period, clock it, clock it. Like that, but no, seriously, yeah, we are our parents did not have to deal with that.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, there was no such thing, much exposure. Yes, literally, like all the time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Do you remember when we were reading The Psychology of Money? So, this is not spoiling anything. You need to read the book. Trust me, you need to read this book. This is an amazing book. And it was just talking about this. Is not even talking about money right now. This is just talking about how different life used to be. Back in the day, people used to have the same types of houses. We all got granted the same house, the same type of furniture, the same type of TV, you know. And at a certain hour, every night, we knew at 7 p.m. everybody was watching the news. At 7:45, everybody was watching the game show that came on after. You know, like everybody was living a very structured life. That I, when I went to school the next day, I didn't have to guess what you did last night. I might have had to guess what you ate for dinner, but I know for a fact you were probably watching the news. You saw the same thing I saw. We laughed at the same jokes during the game show, and we lived very much so the same. I'm not gonna say simple, but structured lives. Like everything was pretty much monotonous in a way that it wasn't really like, oh, their their family went on vacation for two weeks, and I just saw, like, if somebody went on vacation for two weeks, we wouldn't know until they got back. Right. And they talked about it, we wouldn't be getting real-time updates like we do now. Yeah, and so I think we have to really be mindful of the fact that times have really changed, and that's why it's also really important to put those boundaries in place when it does come to things like social media and what you can and huge, yeah, can and can't tolerate from people because if you feeling insecure about you not being able to travel as much as you want to, you should be following, you should not, you should not be following any sort of travel content creators or any and you're just constantly seeing it all the time.
SPEAKER_04I'm actually really glad that you said that. I had kind of forgotten how I was able to get that under control a little bit, and it was those social media boundaries, but I think social media is also very curated, so it's not only that we are seeing more of everything, but to a certain extent, everyone is performing on social media, yes, like even when you think you're not, you kind of are, yeah, and it's kind of hard not to, so it's not like I'm blaming anyone, but everything that you see is an intentional choice to be put in front of you, and comparing your life to that can be very tough, and yeah, when I was just at like peak, unemployment, nothing really going on. Like I'm actively trying, but I just graduated from school, and we're back to this post-grad confusion, depression, whatever. I mean, that's when you feel it the most though. I felt it the most. I got so real. I was like, okay, I know you have not really much to do right now. You already went to the gym, like now what? I would be on my phone all day. Um, and I was like, you gotta stop because just it's it's not making you feel good. And I think at first I tried to push through because I was like, I shouldn't not feel good opening up social media. Like, why why does seeing her doing this, doing that, him doing this, doing that make me feel the way? So I was almost trying to just like tell myself, like, I just need to keep being here and rewire how I think because it's embarrassing that I feel this way when I'm on social media. But just now having I'm just a lot more, I give myself more grace, and I'm also just a lot more cognizant of the fact that those apps are designed literally to make you feel that way. And I'm a human and we are all feeling that way to a certain extent. So now I'm very vocal about the fact that, yeah, like sometimes I will open up Instagram and TikTok and and LinkedIn feel like a mess. And I put boundaries so that way when I the first thing I do when I wake up is not look at that, and the last thing I do when I go to sleep is not look at that because even now I feel a lot more secure in myself. But if I slip back into doom scrolling habits, I will start to find yeah, more things that I'm like I'm not happy with my life anymore. It's so it's so bizarre how it happens. So I just now know I'm not going there, I'm not doing it. And when I start to even feel it, get off that phone.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I'm like literally get off that phone. Like whenever I start to feel out of sync with reality and what the heck is going on in my life, why am I still scrolling? First thing is okay, reset those limits, put the phone down, turn the phone off.
SPEAKER_04At anything else, find something else to do because go stare at a tree. A good seven times out of ten, the thought wasn't that deep. Yeah, it actually didn't even call for that. Yeah, you know how in meditation they teach you how to just you can you have a thought and you can just live. Swish it away.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04When I just go into it and I'm still looking at my phone, I'm doing a deep dive, I'm allowing that to become a spiral, which could last a day. Then that thought could then carry on into my week. Now I'm having a bad month. Now I'm having an entire season of feeling when I could just tell myself, put that phone down, let the thought pass, acknowledge it, and be like, but I don't have to attach myself to it and move on. So because you're not your thoughts, you're not your thoughts. So it's like, yes, is jealousy, is envy very like real emotions? Absolutely. But I've learned now that I'm in a lot more control over how I choose to react to that, and I don't have to let that spiral and become something out of hand. You know, when I used to back in the day, I think I had moments where the envy of a certain situation or like something I haven't mentioned is like envy of like friends, like people who had a lot of friends, and I'm more of an introvert. So I would be like, oh, they know everyone, they do everything, they're always outside. Like I remember used to I used to think that way, but it's just like you, I don't know. You just don't, you're in a lot more control than you think you are, and you don't have to just continue to let that like why was that such a it was a constant cycle, it was a constant loop in my mind. Well, I don't like that I don't have enough friends, but I'm shy, so I can't make more friends, and I guess everyone else will always just have more friends. But one day I was just was like, well, let's just start taking steps to have more friends, like it's okay. And now I feel very fulfilled in the circle that I have. I don't think I am wanting for more friends. I feel everybody in my life, I've made an intentional choice to be there with them, and I don't really have that negative loop in my mind anymore. So you are always in a lot more control, it's just how you choose to react to what comes up in your mind.
SPEAKER_02Oh, so powerful. You are in much more control than you think you are. And I know that we said in this episode like there's a lot of things that are out of your control in general, but you can create your own reality. And let's be real, it does start with your thoughts. What you repeat to yourself on a daily basis, down to affirmations, just down to the thoughts that are on cycle that are on loop, are creating the reality that you're currently living in. And I do know that once I started changing my thoughts and having more positive self-talk, like I definitely was a person who was like self-deprecational to the max. Like it, I just thought it was funny, like that was just how I was like living life.
SPEAKER_04But I don't even play like that no more. I I can't I don't even I can't even be like, oh, I'm so dumb. I can't even crack jokes like that because I don't want to, yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_02Because what you like, your subconscious doesn't know whether or not you're joking, yeah. And that is one thing that I feel like my boyfriend has really helped me with because I'll say something and he'll be like, You can't say that. Your subconscious doesn't know the difference. No, yeah, literally just exit, and I'll be like, I'm just joking, I'm just joking. And be like, no, like joking or not, you can't say stuff like that.
SPEAKER_04You have to say it in a specific way. It's like, okay, you're not dumb. Okay, I just made a mistake, but I'm figuring it out and I'm getting back the next time.
SPEAKER_02And I literally will like, if I say something like that to myself, be like, or like, dang, girl, why would you do something like that? That's so dumb. Oh, actually. Okay, but you made a mistake, it's okay. Let's figure it out. Right.
SPEAKER_04It's a part of also just self-acceptance. Yes. There are some things that I don't do well. Like sometimes I think I am awkward. And I'm and I'm but I might be like in my mind, oh my gosh, that interaction's awkward. I'll just be like, well, me too. Okay, and I'm not what? It's not that I'm gonna be less awkward next time. No, I'm awkward, but I love myself and other people love me too because I'm awkward and I'm human and awkwardness, and I'm acceptable. Like I just have to keep telling myself things, and now it's become easier. When you first start, it feels a little like feels weird. You're like not saying things you don't need to do. Exactly, you don't believe it's like it's kind of corny, right? But it gets to a point where it's like, no, actually, that's just how I feel. Like, I don't that's how I feel about myself, genuinely.
SPEAKER_02Your thoughts literally create your reality, and yeah, I think that setting those boundaries is important, making sure that the thoughts that you repeat to yourself, like just seeing how when you're experiencing those bouts of jealousy, those bouts of envy, how can I construct my life? What do I have control over right now that can help lead me down the path to having the life that I desire that this person has just shown me is possible? Because that's all jealousy is. Somebody else showing you that it's possible. Somebody else showing you, oh, you can do it too. How are you gonna do it? How are you gonna construct your daily life, your decisions, your finances, your career, your whatever, whatever it might be, to making sure that you can create that life for yourself? Because I we we both believe that whatever life you want, you can 100% achieve. It'll take some work, it'll take hard work, it'll take dedication, it'll take perseverance, there's gonna be tears, there's gonna be anger, it's gonna be everything.
SPEAKER_04But the moment that you stop thinking it, yeah, and then you just give into oh well, she has it, I don't, and I'll never have it, and that's where you've lost. Like you only really lose when you when you stop trying. Yeah, so I'd rather go exactly all of those hard emotions and at least have tried, yeah, than nothing at all. Nothing at all.
SPEAKER_02So, yeah, well, well, yeah, I was about to say, like, should that just be the walkout?
SPEAKER_04Like, I think that is the walkout.
SPEAKER_02It's just I know this was like a little bit of jealousy, a harder episode to like really verbalize and like talk through, but I think that this is just such an important topic, especially as a young adult, because I think that's when it really like hits you the hardest and the most. Because I think the older that I get, the less jealous that I get because I understand what jealousy is trying to teach me, and it's not like I'm feeling jealousy, I'm just noticing what other people have that I don't that I can also achieve. Right. And it's less of feeling the gel the emotion of jealousy and just taking heat and taking notice. But I feel like when I was younger, like 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, it was a lot harder. Like it was I was feeling that a lot more deeply, and I was feeling it a lot more intensely too. Like it would come on and it would be strong, like actual tears, you know what I'm saying? But now it's just like, hmm, okay, yeah, interesting. All right, well, her body looks amazing. What do I gotta do to look like that? Yeah, get in the gym, eat right, okay, cool. Let me shift what I'm doing right now.
SPEAKER_04I was in a coffee shop this morning, and this girl fit, so fit. Like, you know, when you can see someone's like biceps, and like she had like this like sleeveless top. Yeah, biceps were looking great. She was like adding some sugar to her coffee. I'm looking at her like, dang, girl.
SPEAKER_03Girl, you know you bad. What do you do? Girl, you know you're bad. You gonna pull up these? What do you do?
SPEAKER_04I was just like, like, dang, that should be me right now. But then I'm like, girl, well, you've been slacking in that gym. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. I look good, but to get to that, yeah, you know what you have to do, right? Period. And I could just acknowledge that she looked good and move on and not have to like do anything else with that. Right.
SPEAKER_02But I feel like a minute ago for me, that would have been a whole spiral. That would have been like two weeks.
SPEAKER_03This would have been like that.
SPEAKER_02One girl.
SPEAKER_03She didn't even know. She don't even know my name. You know, she's just adding her. Adding a little sugar to her coffee.
SPEAKER_02And for two weeks, I've been thinking about this woman and her biceps in Starbucks. Like, girl, it's just so crazy.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you can always tell who's done the work on themselves because maybe not now, but as we go through life, it will become apparent. Yeah. Who has tried to get to know themselves more and to explore those things with themselves without judging themselves, because again, it comes out so weird. Like, you can kind of tell when someone is making comments that are pointed at you because they're they might be envious of you. And I don't know what to do in that certain that scenario because it's not like you can call it out because of course they're gonna deny it, but you can tell when certain comments are being made because of a projection that they have going on, and it's a weird dynamic, but I've never wanted to make somebody feel that way just because I'm feeling something. Yeah, I've always tried to do the work on myself so that people can win in front of me and I can, they don't feel like they have to dim them their light or dim themselves around me. Like, no, babe, if I don't care if I'm going through the worst possible worst scenario, don't hesitate to come to me and share that you're going through something good because this is not the situation where I'm gonna try to knock you down with me. Right. So I think doing the work it helps you, but it also helps other people around you just have a better relationship with you too, because you don't carry hurt and bitterness and projections into everything that you do in life.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because you've done the work, you've done the work, yeah, and you're continuing to do the work because it doesn't stop, like it keeps it never stops, never stops.
SPEAKER_03Club horses don't stop, they keep going. Oh yeah, like no keeping that's the most Atlanta outro ever. We're so ATL, get in there. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_04But nah, seriously, that's the perfect walkout. No, seriously. Think about what envy and jealousy is teaching you right now in whatever season of life that you're in, and just know that you're not alone in it. There's no shame in it, but it's a part of the entire it's a it's an emotion in the entire range of every emotion that humans feel, and it's something that is also to be embraced just as much as we embrace stuff like happiness and love. Also, just embrace this, even if it feels strange to do so.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because all emotions on the scale are teaching you something. Exactly. Yeah, I would say like write down a list. Maybe if it's like a couple people that you know you're jealous of, you got them people in the forefront of your mind right now. I know you do. You already thinking about them, them creators, whoever it is. She got that new. Right, exactly. She got a new something, jewelry, money, whatever. Write it down, and then just make a plan. Like, and when you make the plan, set it in action, baby. A plan is a it's only a plan until a plan is just a words, a set of words until you put it into action. Execution is a hundred percent important. Just bridge that gap, you'll get there eventually. And I promise you, one day you're gonna look up and be like, wow, I'm so glad that I started. I'm so glad that I actually made the effort to do something about it instead of just sitting in that emotion. Yep. Because you look, a year could go by. I think I see this quote all the time. A year could go by. We all get the same year. What are you gonna do with it?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's gonna go by regardless. It's gonna go by regardless. You actually want to do and attack your goals. Exactly. You're gonna look up this time next year, regardless.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so what is it gonna be? Well, dang, I wish I would have started last year. Well, you could start today.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and it's never it's never too late. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02It's never too late. Never too late.
SPEAKER_04Well, well, all right, y'all. This has been another great episode.
SPEAKER_02100%.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, so we just wanna give our little reminders, our housekeeping. Yeah, just a reminder that we do shout out at Black Owned Business every week, and we have a form linked in our bio in our link tree. So please fill out our Black Owned Business of the Week form if you or you know someone has a business, and it can be Atlanta or it could be anywhere in the country or anywhere in the world. We are just happy to shine a light on our communities. Very true. Um, and then also you'll see in our link tree we have a let me help you out form. So you can also fill that out if you would like to suggest any topics, or if you have a crazy story you want us to address, or just want to tell us anything that you would like for us to incorporate into the podcast, that's also there for you. We've got a couple submissions like we mentioned in the last episode. So we're gonna start to incorporate that segment. Yeah, and it's gonna get fun. Yeah, you don't want to miss out on that fun. So make sure you fill that form out. But in the meantime, as always, please give us a like. Please give us a review, five stars. We love five. Five, five, five, five, five, five. Um, and as always, you can find us on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcast, and we post episodes weekly. So we will see you back here next week. And thank you for joining us for another great episode. Yes, okay. Bye.
